crazy!

It is hard to explain this. The officer said to get used to it so I did-it was better than getting my arm wrenched up behind my back …but it was more than that. I was 18 years old and weighed about 120 and susceptible to an new influence. By this time the ultimate conclusion was no one could be trusted but I had to go for someone to try to find trust-and yet never could , but you mix that in with wanting to not have your arm twisted and the person you choose is the one that you fear the most…and I chose nazel voice mister.

When Bob was there-it was’nt often like it was for most of us…he seemed to have the carisma of a guru. He was going through procedings for a discharge but must have had an attorney outside of the Navy-he was always filling guys with legal advice and giving me tips on how to act so they’d have to medical me and get me out of there , so I was told to act crazy and act like I was having a reaction to the LSD I took a year or so back…something called a flashback. Bob also taught me how to put these tattoos on my body useing india ink and needle and thread-telling me the tattoos would make me look tougher and unappealing. That did’nt work.

I never had been charged with anything. Was interviewed once by that naval intelligence officer and I recall some interviews with different uniformed men…but cannot recall of that. I stayed locked in barracks D from the first of the year to the 20th day of Feburary-although there were several trips to the Vulcan to pick up uniforms and to sign papers and a job I was given at the hospital-washing and waxing the same ambulance every day…my life became a routine in barracks D. Its where I thought I was going to stay…and I was falling in to where I was getting hurt-but not that much because I was cooperating like the other guy. The officers and the guys in uniform disregarded us as useless and we were ignored as human beings-so what else was an 18 year old kid to do?

When I got out of the Navy my family just pushed the door shut and I ended up traveling with Bob and his wife to New Jersey and we had plans to go into business but all of that was a bigger mess then was realized. I had gotten a job in a department store and that was when the first submission began. It was easy for the preditor because it was instilled in me to behave this way when told. And because I hated it at barracks D I ran from this and left New Jersey and went back to the DC area and found a job there in a department store and this time it was worse because in Jersey it was just for sexual favors but here it was sexual plus I was made to steal for the man….all that he needed to do was twist my arm. I got caught by the store detectives and was threatened with jail WITH this other person if I did’nt confess…so I confessed and gave up the other fellow. By some crazy miracle I was released by the police and told to return the next morning. That night I went to a party and it was a going away party for a guy from my high school….so I hitched a ride with him. The next morning I was standing in Florida.

If it had not been for this transition in life I believe I would’ve ended up on a huge quick path of destruction-but due to the influences I discovered in Florida I took a lessor evil and kinder route…never the less-it was destructive. Stayed that way for nearly 37 years. There is plenty to tell.

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