another year…

about face…

Originally uploaded by jayfherron.

It will take a few days until folks wear down from the greeting of ‘Happy New Year’ and hopefully that will be the end of that until it rolls around again….I hate hearing it.
I’m always going to know what new years means to me-I’m never going to forget it,the beginning point of the personal prison I got placed in that date in 1969.
After ‘Rose’ it added more of a burden-since her arrest came on the first day of December (1998) because of all the crixmix crap that begins full blossom and sings out to remind me of the dates-although the dates are’nt anything special except to magnify the events in my memory…I always recall the events daily but they become more enhanced hearing the reminders-seeing the tinsel.
People have insisted I am a hero who did the right thing about turning ‘Rose’ in to the authorities….I wish they could wear my mind for a minute and see how it makes me feel. I am not a hero.
It is crazy- these personal prisons.
Here is the story of a woman who was able to elude the law for 20 years. She murdered a man in 1969…I was not associated with any of them-I was in boot camp when she murdered the man she was convicted of killing,and escaped prison four times to flee her conviction.
Shortly after ‘Rose’ was returned to prison…again-I had met a young man named Pee-Wee Mercer who was a high school rodeo champion who favored riding bulls…a position that ended his walking life. Pee Wee broke his neck getting tossed from a bull some years ago-he’s been bed ridden ever since unable to move even a finger.
I thought it interesting how I went from being the one who fingered ‘Rose’ to one who became aquainted with this man whose fingers could not move. It became further interesting to me to learn this young man shared the same birthday that ‘Rose’ had in April. I saw it interesting how this young mans family was put into a ‘prison’ of having to always be on hand to ensure thier sons breathing machine did not fail-always being confined to the interior of thier house to moniter thier sons life,a life of his own prison-his only view is of this small place on his ceiling.
It interests me how a woman shoots a kills a man over 30 years ago and even as long ago as that is the crime still effects a man today…me,and I was not even involved-until 1998. And her actions add to the emotions of a person who is already a wreck because of his own experiences of his own brief incarceration in 1969-70,and for her to bring me into her life to be a friend and then turn around and put me in a position to be her judge….well,it just does’nt make sense.
I could’nt maintain a friendship with Pee Wee. I really would have tried-but it was such a hardship watching this bitter young man who willingly mounted the 1000 pound creature that broke his neck and locked this family away-his own father suffering too as he encouraged the sport on his son.
It all molds together-at least I can see it! Heres this woman-‘Rose’,free from the chains that bound her and me bound by the chains from being victimized years ago…the same date there about that ‘Rose’ commits her crime and then in the present comes a family unkown to either of us who encourages thier born son to climb on a monster of an animal that in less than 8 seconds breaks this families freedom into misery-the father sitting in guilt ,his personal prison-the mother,her only world is at the kitchen table and goes no further than her sons room….and ‘Rose’,I have heard she is locked in a cell that is with in a cell,my finger print still on her forehead.
There is a section of state forest behind my house-it’s where I met ‘Rose’…where we walked at times. I have gone down there and sat on the ledge of the dirt cliffs by a lake and watched the birds and wondered about all of this….’Rose’ in her prison cell unable to see the birds;PeeWee in his bed….unable to see the birds.
And here I can sit-and see the birds.
Another year….for all of us!

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