I know this guy…




zim radner

Originally uploaded by jayfherron.

Before I begin this-the man in this photo is not the man I am going to tell you about. I mean no disrespect to this great man-but if he walked into an airport looking like that today,well….?
I know this guy. This is kind of an odd story so hang in there.
Back in the hippie days there was a hippie farm right near here. The lady that owned it had bucks and back then in the 1970’s it was easy for one to find her with a pick up truck load of guys heading for a beer store to get rolling papers and several cases of beer and ice-all from the pocket of the gal that owned the farm.
I think one time I rode on a beer run and sitting there in the back of the pick up truck was this guy….I say I think because thats as good a guess as any.
Thirty years later this dude shows up at the farm right on the tail of 1999 and still thinking the hippie movement was going on as usual at the farm-and looked just like this man in the picture…even still-in 2007.
Now this old fella doesnt even seem to notice that the hippies have all grown up and found wives and became job oriented and saw the light that an old man with long hair looks out right stupid with the gut hanging out and asses as wide as Kansas and still trying to look like a rock star.
So this fella shows up and he brings with him an inheritance.
Somehow he remembers me from way back when doing one of those beer runs-and thats where I guess I might have met him…but yet we know every one of the same people that I have known since the first days I came to live in Florida.
And he treats me very well-in an interesting way…and it appears it must have been a beer run to match all beer runs because my friend certainly thinks it was primary day in our lives and recalls it fondly where I cant remember it at all.
So he’s loaded…and still dresses like Cochise-and bathes as often as they might have back then but to be honest I think they might have been cleaner back then.
You think I’m kidding. You call the only bar in Archer and ask any body-they’ll tell you….and more than I am I suppose.
The state highway patrol found our old pal driving down the interstate with his drivers door being strapped closed with a set of bungee straps. It has gap about ten incehes wide allowing a good view of the pavement racing by below you as you drove. The cop stopped him and he was as drunk as one can manage to get and open beers spilling onto floor. And if that was’nt stupid enough-six days later another cop stops him and drunk as he could be…well,when the judge saw all that he chucked our friend off into jail for a year and took his driving license away for ever and ever with the promise of five years in prison if he ever drives again.
That became my job somehow.
Now this is not easy-we all live a good distance from one another…this is not the suburbs. And our pal cant speak a sentence quietly and with out verbal spice like shit and fuck for every other word allowing twenty uses in each sentence for each word and theres no possible way to get a word in edge wise. And he smells-his hair is always matted and the jeans he wears he wears from brand new to the day they rot.
This guys is well off,no money woes. He came from a silver spoon childhood and this is what it did for him.
He travels the world-it amazes me. He has paid me well for driving him to Miami to catch a plane and off he goes for a month or two to places I could dream about going.
His last trip was to the Netherlands. I drove him to the train in Jacksonville where he went to NYC to catch a flight. This was six months ago. My friend looks just like you see in the photo-even his hair is up in the air like this mans head gear gives appearence. But this day-and this journey hea had on a pair of shoes that were sealed shut with a duct tape patch and he had used some bath chalk to serve as glue.
No you tell me how it was they let him pass through security?
They did-he got to Europe. His shoe blasted in Amsterdam and he had to buy a new pair…but thats about all he got. No one would rent him a room-no matter how much money he flashed,so he spent twelve days sleeping in train stations while traveling across Europe trying to rent a bed and a toilet ( notice I didnt say ‘bath’).
So home he comes curseing all the idiots he appearantly ran across on his journey not even realizing it was his own appearence that shuts doors and that people can actually say several sentences if not speak all day long with out spice in their language.
And the guys got money.

One Response to “I know this guy…”

  1. Mike E Says:

    Well…Traveling across Europe sleeping in train stations sounds to me like just what the doctor ordered!

    Ah well. I suppose when one is accustomed to luxury he will bitch. I too am accustomed to luxury. By that I mean I have on occasion (usually thanks to brisk alien turd sales) been treated to a taste of the finer things.

    To these I grew accustomed quickly.

    Guess it’s all perspective though. Because a few nights in train stations across Europe sounds like luxury’s lap — from where I sit at least!

    Hmm. You could maybe send a hooker round to his place — one hired not for sex but specifically to get him naked and wash his funky ass off!

    Other than that though the gig sounds sweet. Consider me your Sub in case you can’t drive him wherever for any reason. Florida is a super cheap flight from around here and I will gladly haul some smelly dude anywhere he needs to go!

    Besides writing the only gig I can envision for me is driving something somewhere for money.

    On a related note: My buddy wants to buy a ’95 Pathfinder with under 100k on the odometer. He’s looking in Connecticut. Knows of course that a FL car is a better bet. An FL car is singularly the smartest thing a Vermonter can buy (possible exception: Alien Turds). You should see what the weather does to a ride up here…Anyway with a hook-up in FL I bet he’d shift his search parameters real quick. Keep an eye out for me? Dude is a good friend who has looked assiduously out for me. Plus there’s whatever we can squeeze for you into the deal — possibly a paid gig to haul the wheels up here.

    Get Rich Quick,
    Mike E

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