the DD214 re-visited

my old truck

Originally uploaded by jayfherron.

No one in the world could have convinced me a year ago that being with out a computer would be chilling on my nerves….well,it was-and I am very pleased the new one is here-and with a defense mechanism from the electric utility to protect and even gaurantee my computer from lighting strikes.

There was a comment made by the Colonels wife and Generals daughter last week-an interesting line of questions-and I was anxious to respond yet could not because there was no means.I tried to resume visits to the library to write while my electro-box was down….but not the privacy I need !!
I would have loved to answer the questions presented as soon as I read them….sometimes I think things are providential and have great reason for detaining me from responding-I guess to settle myself and be rational.
Yes…as a matter of fact-to respond to IF I ever finished school. If a person was to read all of my writings they would learn I took training in mortuary science under the GI BILL being paid to learn the craft from a private funeral home-they loved me because I was covered by the GI Bill. I have also recieved a high school diploma-a GED and I have attended Purdue-Calumet University for special training in scaffold erection and dismantling as well as going to school at the WACO International School of Scaffolding. Prior to that I attended the Bradford-Union Vo-tech truck driving school…that was in 1975,and most of my life has been around trucks in one way or the other.
I have made international achievements in scaffold construction and have driven over 1 million miles accident free and none of the dead that I embalmed ever filed a complaint.
I raised two sons-single parent…one is a deputy sheriff and my oldest son is a Chief Petty Officer in the US Navy rated for nuclear subs.
Me-other than what happened in the Navy-never once have I been convicted of a crime nor ever under suspect for any reason…although after the military my life did run on the edge.
In the Navy…there was no crime-nothing!! So we cannot say I was convicted-although…I was convicted and sentenced to life!
The lady that commented-the Generals daughter,has to be where I was during the first two months of 1970,to understand the full impact of what has happened to me every day since the first day of my being taken to barracks D…..the place-the day my rape occoured and the days following when I was kept and strong armed EVERY DAY and forced to be a sexual source for anyone who my strong armed keeper felt like doing business with-if he needed a smoke…guess what I had to do so he could have one?
REPORT IT? Yes…the very first morning-New Years eve 1970 just before being questioned as why I was in the detention barracks…and I was told to get used to it-and that was after having the officer that sked the questions laugh in my face.
Now Generals daughter-I dont know if you ever have been in such need to pee that the pain is searing through your body and when you finally find the moment it is seemingly safe to pee that omeone along with a few others comes along and begins hitting you in your face while someone else is pulling your clothes off and someone else is forceing your legs apart and someone else is pierceing your rectum and no one else is offering to help….and to have the ONLY authority tell you that its just too bad-get used to it!…that is reason why my brain would not comprehend that there was anyone I could trust.
I lied…I lied through the skin of my teeth and told them anything they wanted to hear to get get me out of there,those lies have maintained the punishment for over thirty years in the form of the DD214 each time I wanted to be hired…that until employers quit asking for the thing-but one employer pulled a book out of his desk during an interview and thats where I learned about that number.That was around 1972.

My entire story is too complicated to try to explain every detail-however I can tell you that at any given time I can answer any of your questions reasonably and with out hesitation.
I pretty much lived with all of this in silence-you ask about my family and who they support…with out a doubt-they did not once ask my side of the story…never once. My brother it seems was able to control what info they needed to know which was that I was a fuck up….that was not the true facts. My brother was jealous….just as the Biblical description of how brothers may be,my brother treated me badly from the time I got on ship and yet I kept thinking all was okay as I was working towards my GED there on ship-a promise being made by the ships education officer that I could go to college and the Navy might send me…my brother did everything to tell me that it was a lie and did all he could to disenchant me.

Generals daughter-all of your questions are answered in these wrtitings-the entire story is here in this blog.

Why? well…I did not know there was help available until a little over two years ago. I sought that help-it was suggested to me by my therapist at the Veterans Hosptial. I went to a veterans advocate and there I was met with remarks that were bigoted and offensive and enough to turn me back into my hole for the rest of my days…the veterans advocate even wanted to use prevarications in my statements to make them seem more interesting to who ever reads them…he did not want to use my truth-he wanted to lie about what happened to me.

The experience continued-I was placed with a second advocate at the VA hospital…he too wanted to adjust my truth….MY TRUTH. And-what is my truth? The truth that for the past thirty seven years from the moment I awake every day the memory of what took place returns…every day!

I found a lawyer…yes,and I thought once again and finally a trusted person. Very wrong-and I’ve paid for nothing-giving 1500 dollars to ensure my sincerity from my side and that was over seven months ago and I still havent heard a word and have been trying to get my telephone calls returned for the past three weeks….none yet?? And so I am again trying to figure out who or how to trust.

I told my therapist yesterday-I am so tired of living.

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