runaway truck ramp…

runaway truck ramp…

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

I’ve driven down many mountain passes in my trucking life,but none have really gotten my respect more than the road going east into Green River Utah.
Along most all of the mountain routes is an escape ramp…the runaway ramp which is an upward hill made of loose sand and gravel. The gravel is supposedly so deep it bogs the truck down as it trys to force itself up that hill.
Of course-if you are going up that hill you’d have a better description than I would. I’ve never had to use one. This pass has numbers of them-I think 10….but its been a long time! I do know at the very top of this grade is a mandatory truck pull off-there is a place to check your brakes and there is a huge map of how the road is going to go with every runaway ramp marked.
The catch is-to start from the top in a low low gear and the jake brake engaged…thats the engine brake that many use mistakenly on flat ground to slow the truck to bring it to a stop. A jake is to keep your motor from over riding your transmission and rear end-it keeps it all slow.
Believe it or not-a skilled driver can do this grade at around 35mph…and hardly hit the brakes. Others have’nt been so wise.
It is all a matter of collecting your self at the top to try to keep your head squared away…calm yourself-and realize if you don’t you could screw up so badly it could be worse then ending up in a runaway ramp.
Sometimes we do things that seem right but are’nt the way we percieved them. Like this grade-like most grades…they always look flat when your are going down them. This photograph shows that-the terrain decieves you. And often times one can get caught on a grade and before they know it the grade is steeper than it seemed.
There is an opposite side-it takes so long to get up it that I can’t type that much.
One thing for sure-you realize how tiny you are compared to all that truck and weight as you begin the descent.
Sometimes that happens to me mentally with this sickness I have….the way of life with PTSD.
When a truck gets runaway it is because the thing is rolling so fast the brakes are ineffective-they just smoke and sometime burn right off the truck…but they ain’t stopping you.
I’ve become confused of late because of my ‘missing therapist’ at the VA. I’ve sort of lost it and became like a runaway truck….
There has been a call saying my therapist has been taken off the patients she has to (I guess) disconnect for a while.
Mean while we are going down that grade and our wheels are beginning to go faster than our logic….at least mine-see,some drivers do it pretty well. They start at the top in a lower slower gear and engage the jake brake and take the descent with care.
If I was on a mountain I would have my truck under control. A million miles-I’ve never wecked. I know where I am there and I know what I am doing.
Here where I am right now I am not as able to control things. I have become used to having this person hear me and believe me and remember things I’ve said-so clearly. It has been the first time in my life ever that has been-never have I ever had a listener who cared as much for me…
It is very difficult to have al of a sudden come to a stop and my logic is racing down the pass and the signs for the runaway ramp or speeding by faster than I can think.
My body feels ill…absolutely ill. I feel such pangs of guilt that I wish I could control them….yeah,there has been a phone call saying I am not at fault-theres no reason to worry…we will soon see Charlotte again.
It’s hard to explain trust and how difficult it is to trust!

3 Responses to “runaway truck ramp…”

  1. Sous Gal Says:

    This is good stuff, Jay. I’m sorry to read about the counsellor. That’s definitely a problem and you’re right to be angry and hurt. What you went through pretty much destroyed trust and just when you think you might be able to trust your counsellor, she’s yanked from you. Keeping my fingers crossed that the break from her doesn’t ’cause anything irreparable and you can continue to get better.

  2. jayherron Says:

    thank you-as always you say enough in a few words to be uplifting!

  3. whitedove Says:

    I thank you for visiting my website. It is inspiring to see male survivors speaking out and I wish to pass on my congratulations to you on such a wonderful resource for male survivors.


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