there are others…

self portrait

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

One of the problems of having been victimized is that we don’t realize how many others there are. We cinderblock our own world to keep others from entering and yet we don’t always take the time to realize how many of us there are. I know there are more-you and I know there are many,and yet,somehow,we tend to think towards our own selves and our own problems-and not think about the others. This is really so in the terms of male rape. There are very few. Wrong!
They throw out numbers at us-some of them say one out of every 33 males have experienced sexual assault…I believe that includes rape. To me-any unwanted touch in an inappropriate way is sexual assault,or a form of rape.
I am not an authority where numbers and statistics are concerned,I only know what it is like to live like this.

Perhaps like most of us-I lived with this in my own silence. I was told when it happened to get used to it like it was a part of an every day chore like doing the wash. My parents rejected me upon my return as a failure…kicked out of the Navy was deemed a failure. There was nobody at home to nurture me and understand the truth. So I lived with it-not well,but as it hardened with time…I learned to live with it.

Why do things happen? I am not about to begin trying to give my explainations….but when I was told over thirty five years later I needed to report this and seek validation the very person that was supposed to guide me through the hoops to sit in front of a person of justice to tell my life to….that person,my advocate,made conclusions based on bigotry and ignorence. There could be no justice when a man belives in himself that men are only raped in homosexual lifestyles…or , if otherwise-the attackers had to be blacks.

Out of sickness and rage , anger drove me to this place where I write about it. I have always been sick and tired of the words echoing in my head…get used to it…and then have someone who you are supposed to trust be so sincere in the way they think-men who are raped are homosexual?? the rapists are blacks….??
It angered me at first to realize that other veterans are out there that have victimized while in military service…and this is what any of us can come to expect? A veterans advocate who has no idea of the filth and shame a victim feels…I’ve come to learn some areas dont even require a veterans advocate to be a veteran-more less have any training in sensitivity in matters regarding sexual asssault.
Then when I started writing about all of this someone commented…another male,another victim,another survivor. He was’nt assaulted by fellow servicemen…he was assaulted by his father. There’s a situation where there is no veterans advocate…no advocate what so ever. And then another comment…from yet another man.
There are’nt many….comments! But I know that there are many male survivors-we just havent all started to speak out yet.
Elsewhere in these pages of writings I made a big deal out of a letter that was written to the Gainesville Sun (Gainesville Florida-newspaper) where a woman-a victims advocate in Alachua County-wrote that men were responsible for rape and victimization of woman,she stated we have over 50 % of the female population in bondage (where she got her numbers-I am not sure). I submitted a rebuttal ( as a male survivor ) and the paper did not publish it. I submitted a second rebuttal-this time with numbers and facts…the paper again shelved my comments. This woman wrote that we are simular to homeland terrorists…men,we are considered that way ( I suppose by the Gainesville Sun,too…) the letter is somewhere in the pages of these writings-it is shocking to be in a progressive city such as Gainesville Florida-home of the University of Florida…and to be so biased and one sided and to turn thir heads on a reality….men,males-are victimized too.
The State of Florida recently saw the trial of Air Force Captain Devery Taylor. He made headline news for being sent to prison for 50 years for the rape of other servicemen…service-men! The State of Florida also has a web site full of males who have victimized other males,the convicted are classified as sexual offenders-many who have preyed on young boys (…and girls) . But the ones we hear most about are the attacks on the girls…and this is wrong-we are socially accepting and protecting that our young ladies are being assaulted,but not our young men. We men are considered by the feminist movements to be at fault-we are considered the victimizers…this should be considered a huge mistake but is accepted because in our society we don’t open up enough to draw notice to the reality that men have been victims too….for years and years! Except-we have to be silent about it,after all…we are supposed to be men,these things don’t happen to men.

I am pleased by the responses-the comments made by other males here in this forum,sadly – not enough are coming forward,but each one that does will eventually bring another ,just by their own presence. We need to stand up-suck in that stigma society places on us…we are men,this don’t happen to men…and stand out to bring more help and understanding and healing to the many who are still hiding in the fear.
Men are victims too….there are others!

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