Originally uploaded by jayfherronI’m not sure if I understand everything correctly…how things are supposed to operate. When I was a young fresh boot just breaking in my dress shoes the Viet Nam war was going full stream and we were always in uniform when we traveled…it was required to the best of my knowledge-Nixon wanted us to all be in uniform to show our support for the war? perhaps.
I know it was that way when ever we took liberty in Washington DC-the more uniforms the better.
I’m not trying to be political here. I am not much in the way of politics,never trusted them ever since Jimmy Carter promised to change our discharges-his son Jack got busted in the Navy the same time I found myself in barracks D….I guess the Carters did not see the comparison of Jacks time in the brig and my time in the brig as the same.
It was’nt-he had drugs…I DID NOT.
I am dismayed about things today-how apology’s are so regular that they mean nothing.
The Senator from Idaho-Larry Craig…gets arrested in a mens room for solicitation-admits his guilt and gets found out. He stands before America and says he is sorry…well,no he is’nt. He wants to fight the fact he confessed-after all the shame of what he has done is exposed. I said before-no one is going to admit guilt to just hope the thing goes away! That no one will notice?
The entire matter is so offensive that he even trys to peg it on a sexual preference….by a denial of being gay. I don’t understand. How offensive.
It is very troublesome to me that after the fact Christianity is brought into it…all these guys run for office and Christ their one and only and all that religousness which is supposed to give us some confidence of who we are going to vote for has a relationship with God and that is going to make him a better leader…and then he wags his self into a mens room stall seeking ‘sex’?
And then they spend-what is it,millions? to become these guys…the campaign money up into the high millions…
and then there are the priests!
What I would like to know…if the Catholic Diocese (whatever…) in Los Angeles (alone) has enough funds on hand to pay out a 650 million dollar settlement to the families of children who have met sexual assault…molestation is the polite word-what is that ‘church’ doing with that much cash availability and yet in LA there are thousands of ways that could be used to support homeless and poor and unwanted children….in a proper way,not the fondeling the priests found convienient and readily handy. I just heard that San Diego had to shell out 250 million from thier Diocese…..??? I don’t get it…what is the money intended for if they have that much back up to pay these settlements?
And the damage done…
What about that?
Rape and assault are the proper words….leaving out the ‘sexual’ part-we are normally supposed to appreciate that sexual contact in an intimate moment is something gentle and good between two people who love each other,a feel good thing.
Abuse is abuse…asault is not sexually fun. Having someone grab you-punch you-force you-rape you….is not having sex with you,you certainly are not having sex with them…at least,not in the way sex is supposed to be defined. A thing of feeling good?
Ever since my assaults-sexual contact has been like a chore…it never has been something that might be normal-more something that is a required task. I don’t know exactly how to explain it-I have had sexual contact through my life-but in my mind I have to do something to make it happen…what it is is not what I think is normal. I really guess I will never know.
None of this…for me or any victim-none of this is easy to explain. Its like trying to describe the impossible because of all of the circumstance which each of us victims have experienced…the different trusts destroyed by our attackers-and the follow up of those who are trying to understand what we have gone through. After all….its just a sexual attack-how bad can it be?? You did’nt enjoy it just a teensie little bit?? Its sex-after all….
Well….no! I did’nt enjoy it then , although I had to go along with it. Just like a little child must feel when the priest takes them to the parrish for a ‘visit’. Or….when Uncle Darryl or Mr. Kimmlebobble or the kid across the street wants to teach you how to masterbate. When you are not interested in these things and they are put on you it is such an uncomfortable feeling. Even today,for me,this is such a difficult thing.
It disturbs me how relaxed we in society are in regards to sexual attacks-hmmm,see even I use that definition. We condem those who corrupt us in that way and yet glorify it in movies and on television-even in jokes…our ‘stars’ who happen to get caught with thier clothes off…the happy hub bub of Britany Spears’ panty less body and how much television entertainment news goes on and on about it-the jocular comments….and we accept this into our homes. So we condone it when it does’nt effect us….condem it if it does?or…the “DNA – you are the daddy” shows-how sickening and sad…television programs about teenage mothers who have to find who the father of the child is….but after this commercial break!
I write this ‘blog’ about me…its my experiences that I know about but it is others who are victims too that I consider as I write-I became more aware as my experiences became known to the VA and I became more understanding to what this s that effects me….PTSD,the lasting climax of what took place back then in barracks D. I think a lot about that six year old boy in Georgia-the one the family of deviants raped and killed-or Jessica Lunsford in my state of Florida-raped at 12 and buried alive…with a teddy bear? and I think about it very often,sadly this won’t sound right….but at least they got to go to peace,not having to live with it day after day. What could those children have had in thier minds when those moments took place….? I have some idea.
To me to have the senator from Idaho stand up and ‘apologize’ is offensive-his entire actions were offending….to admit,then deny it-and to drag into it a lifestyle that has nothing to do with what he has done…the preacher from Colorado who had the ‘largest following’ but sold himself out for crystel meth and sex (oh yes-with another man…but,he too is not gay)-I recall he apologized too….JEEZ,how sincere can that be? Congressman Foley…deviant-seeking boys,but he apologized….then blamed it on someone else!
And the Catholic Church….heres some money-that should do it!!
I don’t think so.
I know-it is one more time I am not making much sense…but there is something wrong. We are told this war is a war against terrorism and to bring democracy to the places where they’ve made it this far with out…killing our young to offer this to a land who does not recognize our Christian ‘values’-the very values the Catholic priests have flushed down the toilet in front of us all because they assaulted children….but yet here we are in a new election (we can’t call it a year any more-they’ve been running for office since the last guy got elected) season and the arguements of who comes from the best church are already in our faces….and yet,where are the guys in uniform? Where are the signs of sailors and soldiers going from base to home or base to base-in uniform like we did and were required to do by our president back in those days-the pride of being in service to protect democracy??it is hidden from us….and has anyone noticed? Well,George Bush ‘junior’ exhonerated the Pope for his involvement-declared him void of any future prosecution…after all,the Pope knew priests under his wings were assaulting children and did nothing about it-the Pope even moved ‘Father’ Oliver Mahoney-the major molester-to Ireland and freedom from having to serve the 14 years California convicted and sentenced him to…and our president forgives the main ‘squeeze’ in the Catholic Church,protecting him from any prosecution…because he and many many others in the Catholic Church knew-and did nothing!
It’s Monday tomorrow-a fresh week of programing-the Maury show will parade a new set of non-values in front of thousands of homes to null and numb our thoughts with people too pathetic to realize what a free motel room and a limo ride has made them into….and the other DNA shows will consume the days so we can look at these people and feel pleased that we are’nt so bad off after all….
It is remarkable that we are loosing things to look up to and America is watching this crap instead.
Good thing we are bringing democracy to those ‘heathen lands’….hope they get cable!

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