drawing a blank…




drawing by-jay herron

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

It is not even the official date of winter….and I do live in Florida-but niether of these things change the fact that it is freezing today. My bedroom was a crisp 34 degrees F and the wind chill outdoors was 26. It is supposed to be colder tonight.

I used to be able to do it with out much problem. It has always been work-this lifestyle with out the thermostat and instant cold air in the summer or the ready to order heat when it gets too cold-the winter becomes a tricky task.
It’s hard to describe this place…Florida in the winter. Just the other day it was 80 degrees and I could have used the air conditioner in the truck but chose the windows down and listening to the radio news saying how Oklahoma City was still with out power from the rages of a winter storm that had just passed through. I could’nt imagine the nights and days in Oklahoma in the winter with out heat-its hard enough here in Florida.

I remember as a teenager my father had a rule about being in by a certain hour-I think it was 10 p/m…and if you did’nt get in the house by then you waited until the morning. I’ve sat in the front seat of a car in the winter watching the snow pile up on the hood. It was my fathers DeSoto where I waited-freezing-for him to open the front door in the morning.
To be homeless and living in a car is no good place to be.

I have to be honest.
My mind is in a daze lately.I don’t even know if I can explain the way emotions and rhoughts all accumulate and pack into my head. I’m tired. The front that brought this arctic blast through last night was forwarded by a healthy rain storm the night before…the scramble to find towels to absorb the water that dripped through my bedroom roof at 2 a/m has had an effect on the rest of it all of being tired and trying to think out all that is going on is beating me up. Crixmix….my term for the glitterly yee-hee holiday-it always a certain drag for me. My first time away from the old family home with the tree and stockings and the fire place was spent on board my new home-the USS Vulcan. I was going to miss the sight of gifts and that way the early morning of Crixmix day makes a kid feel-I was not going to be able to see my family until the New Year weekend. That did’nt work out too well either.
So my mind is always more deeper into the thoughts and memory of barracks D and what happened there new years 1969-70 and how it was that I got there and the fact it was that holiday and now its that holiday again….and how this thing has never ever gone away-and the things in addition.
Well…I’m drawing a blank as how to say what it is – in addition.
I guess at times I become afraid I might sound like a whiner…and I am not.
I came to live here in these woods over 30 years ago with nothing but a tent and a worn out car-a really worn out car….my family and I started right here with out any question-on the dirt. And I never want to lose that memory and the taste of that experience-and that is something I worry about.
Last night there must of been a power surge-the electric went off for about an hour and sitting here in the dark with a candle and a blanket wrapped around me and it was still cold and the thoughts of my dad’s DeSoto and how even so it may have been inside-it was freezing ass cold…and my mind drifted to those who are sitting up under an overpass somewhere or standing out on the street.
Of course-when the power goes off the well looses its prime….for those of you who have no clue what that means I will explain that the water to my house comes from a spring underground and an electric pump pulls the water up through a 2″ pipe thats about 175 feet deep in the ground and when the electric is off the water in the pipe goes back into the spring and emptys the pipe…so I have to fill 10 five gallon buckets with water and that means I have to drive to town somewhere and find a source for water and fill my buckets. Then I have to come back and open the pipe and one gallon at a time I have to fill that pipe until grabs its prime and it gushes like one of those oil wells the Jed Clampetts found. It aint so bad in the summer….but its not going to be so great today doing the water thing in the cold. But it helps me to remain humble about it…the process of thought helps me to know I am yet richer then others.
Luke 4:18

2 Responses to “drawing a blank…”

  1. Austin Says:

    I have a difficult time during the winter as well because I remember freezing cold out in it. I remember losing friends out in it. Winter is hard on my brain. I wondered if it wasn’t but by the grace of God that my then little body woke up despite a blanket of snow over it. The street, even during winter, seemed safer than home.

    When I see fresh fallen snow I appreciate it’s beauty but I also think to myself, “My God, there are people living out in this.” It hurts my heart. It takes me back to where I don’t ever want to go again. I did it too much. I know in my heart I don’t have the strength to do it again.

    Austin

  2. jayherron Says:

    Austin-your comments are full of meaning and I am grateful that you leave them with me-very much!Jay

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