My Father




My Father

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

I recieved the telephone call this morning that my father has passed away.
I just sat here for an hour an tried to write what I could-the graces of internet and electronic mystery allowed every bit of it to get lost into space-or where ever all of this cyber stuff gets lost in….vacuumed every bit of my words and shoved them somewhere…it just aint right.

I’m even afraid now to write another set of paragraphs in fear they too go and get lost as well…
My father grew up in an era of much history-being born in the 1920’s in New Orleans you can imagine.
He was raised in Washington DC.
He passed away in Kingsland Georgia.

I truely have a million things to say..but after spending the time writing what I just lost has made me weary-the memories I tried to give account of caused me grief as I wrote them…I cannot do it again,at least not now.
Those of you that know me know that this is not an easy loss for me.
I will try to rewrite my dedication to my my dad at a later time.

7 Responses to “My Father”

  1. Mike E Says:

    You know, I think I’ve told you that I felt nothing when my father died. Grief? Nada. Not even anger. No feeling. Zilch.

    Just a touch of guilt for not feeling anything.

    I didn’t know why at the time. But then, years later, when I remembered that he raped me…well, the guilt disappeared. But what was left was — if you can imagine — even a little worse. Without the guilt for not feeling anything, I was just empty.

    Not glad that my father was dead but not glad that he lived either.

    Guess I say this because, well I guess because reading this tonight reminded me of how I feel. And you’re someone I can tell my feelings to. I know it’s a hard time for you, so maybe it’s a good time to hear that someone appreciates something about you, and I appreciate that about you.

    And also to say…I know a lot of your feelings toward your father are negative. Not all of them I hope. But even the negative ones, from my perspective…I guess you’re lucky to have them. Feel them, every one. You’re father only dies once, after all — I bet there’s something good in all this for you.

    Here’s hoping.

  2. jayherron Says:

    you are absolutely correct Mike E…there is good-much much good!
    your too…good,enjoy having your insite!

  3. Austin Says:

    Jayherron,
    I’m sorry to hear about your father. I really am.

    Can I suggest that you first write your entry in Microsoft Word or in Notepad? I do that with all my entries then post them because I got so tired of experiencing what you did only to lose it. I write first in Microsoft then copy past it into WordPress. Sometimes the coding is a hassle but I haven’t lost anything I worked hard to write.

    My condolences,
    Austin

  4. Charlotte Says:

    I know that this is very hard for you, both his living and his dying… And I know that the equation is far from over. My thoughts are with you, Jay.

  5. jayherron Says:

    Thank you both…Charlotte,thank you for your on going support-and for being my friend.
    Thank you Austin…it means much to know there are good people and good friends.

  6. rhea Says:

    Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about your father. I can’t imagine how difficult loss has been for you and your family. If no one else was able to read the first dedication you wrote, my guess is that your father certainly most knew what it said, and maybe that can provide a little comfort.

    Praying for you…

    Rhea

  7. jayherron Says:

    I am so rich by these comments regarding my father-thank you Rhea

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