sunrise…

sunrise in south dakota

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

I remeber the morning when this photograph of the sunrise was taken. We were near the national grasslands of South Dakota-the wind was fierce as if we were standing on the wings of an airplane in flight. It was so strong even the Corvette’s sleek design had a struggle driving smooth. The sunrise made it difficult to concentrate on the road…the fierce and the beautiful teamed together to make us stop-otherwise we would have gone off the road
We stood there in awe of the beauty and the strength of nature.
The sun reflected off of an ocean almost a thousand miles away and painted the sky. It makes me wonder what the Lakota people must of thought as they witnessed these sunrises over and over in the days before automobile and internet and times of fast food.

I am looking out my large window at a new sunrise coming up over the same ocean-just a few miles closer than the grasslands,not as spectacular as the one we saw that day but it brings with it the second day of the new year 2008.
In my subconscious I feel as if I am at the base of a huge vessel…a bell ,if you wish-as if a large empty space is ahead of me and I can hear the echo of emptiness and see the space of the time ahead and yet feel the tug of the memories of the past year.

I suppose I’m trying to brush off the dust like a rider coming in from the trail. The last year seemed a bit trying to me-especially in the last half…but how can I divide up a year with so much that went on? My old pal Grier…the curmudgeon he was-but he was good to me in many ways which made easy to overlook the antics he sometimes took to adjust his persective on the moment.
And Wayne…my other friend-how just a few days before he died he blessed me by asking what my take on death was and what I thought would be-is there more?
My father certainly has ended my year as his life passed and the way my feelings are dealing with it have drained any motivation I might have had.
Today….not as a ‘new years resolution’-but as a way to try to fight the battle of the onslaught of my sadness,which certainly is going to bring me to a state of depression….today I am going to go outside and get onto the road and walk-and I’m going to go up almost the full length and turn around and come back.
It aint exactly the day one would want to start such-its freezing out this morning,tomorrow it is going to be worse. But if I do not face it today as planned I am afraid I will sink into a pit.

I used to walk every where until I went to the forest one day and met Rose.
After several months of being befriended by her-I was just mending from having a stroke the time I met her and was just learning how to get my footing back-she accompanied me and then one day told me she was wanted by the FBI….after that ordeal my freedom of walking on the road felt restricted.
Rose went back to prison-she had murdered a man in Maryland and had managed to escape from prison.

I realized the other night it has been ten years since I had my stroke-and it added to my thoughts of all the past year…those who have died-and as she is a murderer I have always felt I took a life too. Hers!
I wish somehow I could explain what all these things do in my heart-how small the island seems sometimes.
The irony of meeting this woman ten years ago is incredible-I had been miles and miles and lifes away from her confined in a long haul truck…yet we meet in a forest two thousand acres deep.

I have to try to stretch this island out-try to absorb some of the open space ahead. I got to put my first foot out and let my other one follow because if I don’t I’m going to get stuck in a box.
I used to be able to pray more cleaer when I walked-that came back in my memory yesterday as I spoke to my son about how when back in the 70’s when I walked the 7 miles to Archer and hitched a ride to work and how every step of the way I prayed to God my sons would have a better life then mine….God answered those prayers-and Micah and Joel and Jeff have been so blessed.
And I was telling my son about those mornings-how I had no car….and he has three now!
Not that I believe God hands out cars….but that there is this strength in lessons we are doled out and how we recieve them.
I remember so sweetly how when Jeff came to me and said I was only father figure in his life and he wanted me to know that….I told him he could longer call me Jay-he had to call me Dad.
Thats what God gives us.

My son Joel drove me to see my father the week before he died. I went in the room and saw his frail body laying there. I know he never would understand anything but me saying I loved him….he said he loved me.
It is a new year….I’m going to put the first foot out-lift up my heart and thank God for what is coming…and thank God for what has passed.