humbled…


wierd crucifiction drawing

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

A very good friend who has known my circumstances for a while took her time to telephone around the area to locate a source for ‘meals on wheels’…for me.
She apparently called several churches in the area-one such church,she said,was ready and waiting for me…all I had to do was go in and show them my drivers license.

I was not too sure I was going to. My last experience (and I mean-my LAST experience) ended almost four years ago. I was ‘shunned’ because of my beliefs-and because I did not and will not vote.
The men of the church all sought to get George W. elected-something about he was going to stamp out abortion…instead he sends grown people to be aborted by bullets,but that’s another story!

My friend explained this church would help me with most anything-bills,or what ever may be binding me down.

I am a person of faith. I trust it and know when each time comes which faith works its thing that I am well with God. It always works.
But this friend went to a lot of effort to telephone around…and,I was hungry- so,I went.
The church was huge (actually,once upon a time-I helped build one of the buildings there-the main sanctuary) and it took me a few minutes to walk around it and do my regular hypnotic conditioning so I could get the personality needed to enter.
The door was locked-but they buzzed me in…one of those New York City style door buzzers that unlock the door from a remote spot.
I entered and was greeted and explained my self….that right after I answered the question…”how are you today”?
I replied-“I am humbled”.
“What can we do for you”?
…..”Wellll,a friend has told me that you are expecting me to pick up some food”!
Heads scratched….looks of confusion-and question.
“Maybe I’m in the wrong church”!! I was not sure.
“No no….we have food-we are a church”! “We just need you to fill out this application and give us a copy of your drivers license”.

I sat down and had the clip board and pen filling out the form. The form had a spot which said-needs other than food (or some such) and I thought about my water well-the pump is now going 24/7 and has raised my electric from the usual; 35 bills a month up to 175 or 185…and its killing me-and I can’t even afford the 21 dollar part to fix that. You see-once my ‘social security’ check comes and I pay these bills….zip to zero dollars to carry on the rest of the month. Living check to check….well,these being monthly checks-it makes for a long month.

It is humbling to have had once upon a time bring to the bank a 700 dollar to a 1000 dollar a week pay check. Now it’s not quite that-after bills I am left with about 20 dollars for the month….and then-faith!
I felt humbled standing there-begging.
Of course…there was an interview-and the question about my church attendance,do I go to church somewhere? Nope…notta chance any more-not when I was once there to learn about God and get shunned because that particular church had a facsimile of ‘religion’….and yet could merely only trust a man….George W.Bush.
I expressed this to the pastor that was interviewing me…told hm some things how the former church had said that God ordained the US Constitution. My argument was-if God wrote the Constitution then why does he teach in the Bible about being a drunk-and how sinful it is….and then go on ahead and place in the Constitution a protection of liquor sales from state to state??
I could never get an answer…the former pastor had none-ehh,well…he had some comment that the Constitution I was reading was written by a liberal magazine (duh???) because the copy I used to show him that was in a ‘Readers Digest’….so I told him to go home and read his own copy-that never happened,he said he knew what the Constitution said.
Then I asked the former preacher to prove to me God ordained the United States Constitution.
Romans 13:1 was his sole answer-over and over. Nothing else.

I do admit-I felt comfortable with the man who interviewed me…but the thought of entering a building each Sunday with a troop of persons….well,it scares me! To get caught back up in it-scares me. To trust a church-and then have it disillusioned by the things of the world-politics,for example….scares me.
But there I was-swallowing spit to pretend I was not hungry. Humbled.

I walked away with two bags of grocery stuff-two packs of burger meat ,and a variety of canned goods and soups and cereals and some soaps and deodorant…I felt,well-humbled,and thankful.

I got them home and divided the packages into a new separate package and took half the groceries to an elderly man I know. His social security check is much smaller than mine.
I love the little old man. He is simple-and poor…and if any one in life is my brother with God,it is him.
Luke 4:18

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27 Responses to “humbled…”

  1. Carol Says:

    Jay – The one thing consistent about your blogs is your inconsistency – and there are many. Not too many blogs ago, when talking about the military, you stated that if you could, you would enlist immediately. Really? There is a war going on in the middle east that you don’t agree with and military people are put there by a man you didn’t vote for. If you joined today, he’d be your commander in chief – you wouldn’t have to vote for him, but you’d have to, if not feel respect, show it. Even Don Quixote, in his delusional mind, only took on one windmill at a time. You complain about EVERYTHING! The church, the government, the VA, your doctors, about how your Social Security check doesn’t cover the entire month – yet, when someone offers you help, no matter how, you either don’t take it, or you do and give half of it away (the groceries you spoke about). Instead of giving that old man your groceries, why didn’t you drive him to the same church, or get the names of other resources for him – from that same friend who is trying to help you. And you need to do the math about your light bill – a $21 part for your pump and $30 a month electric bills vs no part and $180 a month electric bill. I’m sure this comment is going to invite a barrage of other comments from your readers who think I’m being too harsh, but I’m not really. One windmill at a time Don.

  2. jayherron Says:

    I did’nt vote for Johnson or Nixon either-and disagreed with the Viet Nam war…another wasted sense of human lives…but instead of taking my draft card and running to Canada-I enlisted.
    The old man actually belongs to a church-the one they railed me out of because I do not vote…and they have a food bank (so it is said) and never the less,why can’t I share?? And-despite the fact the old guy goes to a church,I drive him to his medical appointment every three months.
    My sons-one a deputy and the other a CPO in the military-DO NOT VOTE.As a matter of fact-my oldest quit when he learned during the first W theft of votes that his entire base had their votes un-counted…absentee ballots that some how were too late.
    Its not our plan the knucklehead is Commander in Chief…actually,you don’t see any of them out in the mud and trenches with the boys-I believe George Washington did it,as well as Grant…so did Kennedy-but Bush?
    I know the math-it only came to my attention the other day the well was running and running-I was walking out in the woods by it and heard the motor running. I thought the bills were due to trying to heat this shamble of a place I live in,but-it seems its the well.
    Thomas Jefferson(he wrote the Constitution) said-the spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions,that I wish it always to be kept alive.
    It is not only my social security check that does’nt make the month…its most of the elderly…and disabled.
    ahhh well…whats the use with you Carol??
    Abe Lincoln said-to sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards out of men.
    If you can’t deal with how I write…go away! I surely have not done anything to make you read this….and of all things SHARE…shareing is a BLESSING,and when a poor man shares-its a bigger blessing….find something Carol,find something-because you are annoying and not…hmmm,well-what can I say,you ain’t going to buy it anyway!!
    Yes Ma’am…if the need be a for real need-you bet your chocolate ice cream my body would be right up front in a WAR. A real war-not Halliburtans trust fund war.
    Coolest thing about our Constitution-it gives me the right to say what I want,and also gives me the right to to select any from the electoral crowd.
    Or not!
    Being a voter does not make a patriot-it’s a known fact that there many serving this country in the war in hopes to earn citizenship-and they cannot even vote,but yet-these are patriots.
    You’re just stuck on being a gripe your own self….
    It may be true-I am watching the Simpsons movie,but could’nt tell you from squids what a Quixote is,what???

  3. Dale Says:

    As I recall from watching American news channels in the 2000 elections, George W. Bush didn’t steal any votes, nor did he keep the “military” votes from being counted. It was Al Gore who insisted on massive recounts, counting such things as “hanging chads and dimpled chads”. Bush had no way of controlling the military ballots–he was just a governor then. Gore was Vice President. Gore could pull more strings than Bush could. What makes you think this isn’t a “real war”? Just talk to the people of Afghanistan and Iraq. They no longer live in terror, thanks to our coalition forces overthrowing their cruel dictators. If this is “Haliburton’s War” or a “War for Oil”, then how come the Americans have never taken possession of the oil they supposedly fought for? After 5 years, you’d think America would be overflowing with oil, but America isn’t. Aren’t you paying crazy prices at the gas pumps? You’re lucky to live in a country that allows you to say whatever you want. You can even make comments about people you don’t like without fear. Here, if I say one bad word about a Jewish person, I could go to jail. If I say “The Holocaust never happened”, I go to prison for 5 years. You can even say bad things about the American President and write those bad things for all the world to see, and nothing’s gonna happen to you. In some countries, you say one bad thing about the leader (like Saddam Hussein–who’s now dead), you’re gonna get your head blown off with no trial–nothing. I do wonder something: in earlier blogs (yeah, I went and read ’em), you say you had a stroke. Does the American military allow people who’ve had strokes to sign up and go to war? Would they allow you to sign up even after the Navy put you out? Would you go Army, Air Force, or Marine Corps? In studying American History, I discovered George Washington, Ulysses S. Grant, John F. Kennedy, and George W. Bush all did military time BEFORE becoming president. Not a one of them were “in the trenches” while president. Oh, I guess the news of George W. Bush’s surprise visit to Iraq in 2003 never made it out your way. Bush and his VP, as well as Condi Rice have all made trips to see the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. Just thought I’d let you know. I’m guessing you don’t get the BBC where you live or Sky News for that matter. I’m all for the voting thing. I’m out here in a country that once was ruled by a ruthless dictator. My folks made sure I knew what it was like having no freedoms or voting privileges. They saw people whose right to vote was taken from them, and those same people who weren’t allowed to vote were mass-murdered under this dictator. Yeah, man, you gotta vote. One vote can make a difference. If you don’t vote, you can’t complain and ya get what ya get when you allow others to make the decision of who’s going to be your leader.

  4. Carol Says:

    Don Quixote – look him up on the internet. Sharing is fine – I’m all for it. I just rarely think I need to let the world know I have done it.

  5. jayherron Says:

    God Forgive me for telling the world I have too much and desire to share-I hope YOU sufficiently reckon with my soul….oh,and Quixote-fictional as Homor Simpson is!

  6. Dale Says:

    You have too much? Mister, you wrote like you had practically nothing. A person with too much doesn’t have to go and get food from a church pantry. It’s nice of you to share with your friend, but next time, how about taking your friend with you and you both get your own share? As it is, you two will likely run out of food at the same time. If you’d taken your friend to get some, you’d both have a bit longer with your needs having been met. Oh, and as I recall from American news, it was Al Gore who tried to stop the military votes from being counted-not Governor Bush. Please don’t be too rough on Carol. I’m guessing she, like many of your commenters, doesn’t really know you. You got to understand your commenters only know what they read from you. They have to draw conclusions based on what you write. Maybe if Carol and others who comment you were to actually meet and spend time with you, they’d have a different perspective. How about inviting some of them to come visit? I noticed from going back through your blog that Mike E, Sous Gal, and Austin all seem to be sympathetic. Why not have them come and visit you for a while?

  7. jayherron Says:

    Thank you Dale-and indeed,I have extended an invitation to everyone-anyone:
    the Survivors Art Exhibit
    opening reception
    May 16,7-9 p/m
    “the gallery” of J.Wayne Rietz Union
    University of Florida campus

    the entire exhibit runs May 11-23…please,please come-the University of Florida is a beautiful campus,and is easily accessed from I-75.

    This is an invite-bring sleeping gear,and tents (its warm again) or sleeping bags…and come on down-and we’ll have a hay doe down in my place way far from towns!
    About the votes-to me it is any of the men or woman who spend those high dollars to get a job that does’nt give the return…and the real point is-look at how the connection is,how connected these people are.
    One or the other is going to get the office,and look who they trail back in with them.
    Bush? Gore? Obama? Clinton-z? any of them…the same.

    It was a very interesting morning-going to go for the food. I have never done such before…and the food stuffs they gave me were exceeding my personal needs and it crossed my heart about my elderly friend.
    On my drive to his house (we are VERY rural here) my cell phone rang-and I stopped to talk to the lady (actually,it was the victims advocate regarding my choice to or niot to be involved in the support group that has just recently formed,and your question-why am I not in it) so I pulled to the side of the road to talk and while we talked I was watching this herd of cattle in the field I was sitting next to. One of the cows looked odd-and then I realized,it was birthing a calf…and,poof-pops out the calf. It was beautiful-richer than money.
    Indeed,Dale…I am very poor-and realizing the food came from a church thus the food came from God,and to me-one cannot give anything from God away…oh yes,one may share it around-and it always comes back.
    I’ve been this way for a long long time.
    The elderly man does belong to a church-he is often cared for by that church. But in fact-I am not responsible for that,it is just that this particular day it came on my heart to share it.
    I am only going to live today!
    May be I may awake again tomorrow…but for sure,today is here.
    I only have to get through today.
    You might notice-my earlier comment to Carol-was edited. I felt terrible something I had said (in frustration) and returned later and cut it out…I can only comment as I see it.
    And – by the way….which Govenor Bush?
    Proverbs 15:16

  8. Dale Says:

    George W. Bush, Governor of Texas now President of the United Sates of America. I forgot–Florida had a Governor Bush, too. He was George’s brother, wasn’t he?

  9. jayherron Says:

    …indeed,which is important to your comments-the history of the men who enter the White House,the Bush family has been involved in the politics of the country for many generations-which is why I say….change? When?
    Don’t just look at the men (or,now woman)…its just one person-it is who he or she brings in there with him.
    Dick Cheney,for example…he’s been involved in the White House since Nixon,and before…same with Rumsfeld-just to point out a few.
    I do not watch commercial television-I do not own one…but I read (and comment in) many newspapers-
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk
    http://www.latimes.com
    http://www.washingtonpost.com
    http://www.canada.com/theprovidence
    http://www.turkishdailynews.com
    http://www.niagrafallsreview.ca
    http://www.boston.com
    http://www.wvgazette.com
    just so I can get a well rounded opinion from others!
    Yes…yes-Jeb Bush is GW’s brother-the daddy was prez once too.
    See?
    incidently-find the Frontline film ‘The Darkside’….very very interesting.

  10. jayherron Says:

    …by the way-President Bush has said he never reads the newspaper…

  11. Carol Says:

    Goodness – more politics. Of course, Don Quixote is fictional – the story is a metaphor and the windmills are the issues he was attacking whether it was the government, the church, the rich. M-E-T-A-P-H-O-R.

  12. Carol Says:

    And….that’s twice in a few months that you’ve told me to go away. I’m getting the distinct impression you don’t like me.

  13. sousgal Says:

    Well…Carol….what’s there to like? You weren’t ASKED to read this or even comment and yet….here you are…pissing away like you actually matter. You need a new hobby. Something that isn’t the stink bomb you usually toss.

    And Dale. Dale, Dale, Dale. *shakes head*.

    The two of you are the epitomy of sad. Got something to say? Say it on your own time, your own dime, your own site. Is it really necessary to lambast a stranger’s site to make your own point? I’ll answer that:

    No it isn’t.

    Come on now kids! Wear the Big Boy and Girl pants! Put down the Bully outfits! Oh yes you can!

  14. Carol Says:

    What? If someone disagrees with a point of view, that’s a stink bomb? No, it’s disagreeing with a point of view. And last I checked, I have a right to express my opinion – on this website or anywhere for that matter. If everybody that reads these blogs totally agrees with everything Jay writes and responds in kind, it will get pretty boring – not to mention unbelievable. So, Sous Gal, you go tiptoe through the tulips with Jay.

  15. Mike E Says:

    Well…I’ve got to weigh in on this one. First off: I don’t hear Jay complain when I read this. It is true that Jay at times expresses here that his life is hard…but the fact is that Jay does live a hard life. Further, I am always impressed that he manages to end these written descriptions of his trials on an upbeat note. Also, Jay is well aware that he is not the only one who lives a hard life. His empathy is apparent throughout this blog — and in all of my personal interactions with him.

    As far as his sharing his food-shelf provisions with a friend…it looks to me like Jay found a way to eke a bit of joy out of his otherwise less-than thrilling trip to the food bank!

    Right on.

  16. sousgal Says:

    Carol, carol, carol….sheesh. Not two comments earlier you noted you’ve been asked to stop commenting here. So, No, you do not have the right to express your opinion anywhere you damn well please.

    Long before you arrived this blog existed. It will exist long after your hopefully soon departure. You were not hired to liven things up.

    You are a stink bomb and I’m going to name you Sanctimonious 🙂

  17. Carol Says:

    Be careful Sous Gal – you’re a pot calling a kettle black.

  18. jayherron Says:

    whew…this is quite something!
    I enjoy and appreciate-all of you.
    Be Blessed…and start the new week with a smile!

  19. sousgal Says:

    Which am I? A supporter or a naysayer slash critic? I’m the former, not the latter and I’m certainly not a pot 🙂

    *smiles for Jay y’all*

  20. Carol Says:

    Jay – I can’t promise to never leave a comment again, but I will back off and not because of your staunch supporters – don’t for a minute believe that they ran me off. Just know that to some of the problems you address here (not all of them, some of them), there are solutions and it’s objective people that may be able to point these solutions out to you. If your vehicle gets a flat tire, all your supporters can certainly sympathize with you, let you know how bad the situation is, and check back in a couple of days to see if anything got better. An objective observer can say “Hey, get the jack out, take the flat off, and put the spare on.” So Jay – Congrats on being instrumental in getting that support group started – that’s quite a milestone. I wish you well –

  21. Ricardo Says:

    Ola, Senhor Herron – Como Esta? Eu sou muito bem, obrigado. Eu fala Inglish muito pequeno. Voce – you – smart kahuna. Other writer – estupido kahuna. Necessita ajuda? Como se charma. Audios

  22. Anton Scwartz Says:

    Hallo! Ich liebe es. Entshuldigung, meine Englisch ist nict gut. Sie ist intelligent. Haben sie einen Mann oder eine Frau? Bist du komme Austria? Ich bin wilkommen sie to meine haus. Liebe

  23. Austin Says:

    I’m sick of being broke my damn self. Making it on SSDI is nearly impossible. Relying on food banks and hand outs can be humiliating. If some emergency comes up what are we to do? There’s no savings to tap into and when you have no family there’s no family to call. It can easily piss a girl off. I mean to tell you the 3rd of each month is truly a depressing time. I wonder if Peter is getting tired of being robbed just so Paul can be paid?

    Austin <—- voted for God’s Kingdom not man’s which is why I hold no man’s voting card.

  24. shellia Says:

    You know y’all I have little to give to Jay but felt by spending a little time on the phone to find sources that could help him through this time in his life would be sources to help him along. For Jay, links to help this process he feels he may be going through, find relief just knowing there is help.. It is humbling. For that matter looking at beans without ham can be humbling. Does not mean one should take the time to say…..thank you, another day not hungry. It is enough for Jay to get through his days with pain and watch his skin flake off and deep bruises form on his arms. Carol I find you to be a nit picker. If your mortality was being challenged I wonder how well you would fare? Whether all the words are not spelled correctly or whether there is a flow of thought, allows a type of release of thought and not a open door for “Carol” to be judgemental!!!! Let it be……S

  25. Dale Says:

    Shellia – Don’t run yourself down. By spending time on the phone and calling in resources, you’ve done a lot for Jay. What I have a hard time understanding is why he had to show a driver’s license. Do people in America have this idea that you have to drive in order to be classified as poor and needy? Over here, it takes 2 years of driving school to get a license, and it costs a lot of money. Seriously, Jay, if you should need to go back to that church for more food, take your buddy with you. You might still feel you have too much and decide to share with another poor person, but at least you’ll have the benefit of knowing you helped not just one but 2 people at the same time. You seem like a generous giving person, at least from what you write on your blogs.

  26. shellia Says:

    ……I was not running myself down. Any more between passports and perhaps a universal card, which has not quite made it, but in the making, many places regard a driver’s license as a valid identification. One day Jay may not be able to drive and by submitting this information and the need arises, I or someone else can go get food for him. By his living in somewhat of a remote area, meals on wheels is not provided which when someone cannot do for themselves, groceries, driving etc. they provide two meals a day at a minimal cost.

  27. jayherron Says:

    Austin…I felt chills of goodness go down my body when I read your final comment about holding no mans voting card.
    Shellia…you are a champion of a person-as you have little also,and yet you share so much. This lady has come all the way out into these woods-and it is remote,and has brought me foods and herbs and laughs,and never says a word about any of it (except maybe-how I cooked it)
    Carol…it just sometimes it seems you are reading something else or are trying to test me. We’d never survive a road trip…I think we would find that true a few miles into it-one of us would end up hitch hiking! I think it is my frustration at how our personalities differ that bothers me-makes me angry,and I am not an angry kind of person.
    Of course you are going to keep commenting-thats been figured out…and I could easily just push the ‘red button’ and spam you ( as I had to do with some of the comments which are actually fake and from advertisments – and NOT from Carol)
    I admit-you got my goat when you said I condradict myself-hmmm,that felt like I was being called a liar.
    Dale…I think the ID check at the church was a little out of line…but ‘jeez’,now a days America is so certain one of us is wanted by the law-the law expects the divers license check…funny ha ha odd stupid kind of funny.
    My son who’s been in the military nearly 18 years was refused a renewal on his drivers license in the very county he was raised in-and the military has as his home address. We spent the entire morning running around to get the proper paperwork to prove to this girl behind the counter my son had a right to a license…yup.
    Sousgal….gives me something nice-a sort of a sense of being wanted,but yet she also makes me feel nice because she defends me.
    All of you and Mike E and the love that comes from Brattleboro…make this even more interesting.

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