survivors art


survivors art invite

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

The Survivors Art Exhibit is just about a week from beginning and this one will be the third time I will have art on display.
The artists are comprised of individuals who have experienced some form of interpersonal violence in their lives-not limited to sexual assault,and does include artists who have survived various forms of attack from the hands of others.

As a male rape survivor it is difficult to explain the way your personal esteem is so damaged by the events of sexual assault. I guess this is partly that in my particular case I was arm-stronged into the assaults almost daily-with no authority offering to protect me. When someone forces you like that you become less than anything.
I just fear the more I try to explain it the more confused it sounds,but the way things were after the opportunity for the men that were assaulting me ended was that it never ended for me…they were gone,but the damage was always going to be with me.

I have always goofed around with drawing-when I built scaffolds my sketch work was often as I had to quick draw some parts of buildings for reference. I’ve always found enjoyment by making something come out of my mind through a pencil and paper,and paints often dreamed-but never imagined,that my art would be seen by others.

My paintings are’nt easy works-most of them are not pleasant and most likely are more startling and bizzarre…but that is my release-and my tension goes out into the object onto the ‘canvas’…in my case,plywood!
My paintings are more medicine than an attempt to be artistic. Most everytime my paintings are just as much a surprise to me as they are to the viewer because I don’t have a plan to paint the things I do…they just come out-usually I go over to the studio (which is what the walked home home now is) the next morning to see what it is I did the night before. Sometimes I go into a slight form of ‘damage control’ and try to destroy what I did the night before-only to find out it added to the painting in a postive way.
Yes…sometimes my art is mingled with drinking,I bring home a few quarts of beer and put on my music and stand in front of my work-sometimes never doing a thing.
And other times I see a line and put it where it belongs.
All of this helping me push this which is inside of me out-sometimes it brings me to absolute tears and sitting on my stool weeping.

To have no real esteem about yourself and then in one nights time you become a star….all be it in private and just for that night. To stand out in the lobby of this great building where our art is going to be displayed-and to watch the people come in for the reception….last year it was around 500,and knowing it is each persons work of art that these people have come to see,knowing they are seeing what you have created.
I makes you feel like something-it makes you feel like someone.

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