Alprazolam aka XANAX

reflections in window at Waikiki
Originally uploaded by jayfherron


I was introduced to Alprazolam aka XANAX at my own request. My trip to Hawaii earlier in the Spring was going to be wonderful-but with my anxieties about crowded places and public restrooms….I needed something to help on the trip!

I was NOT told much about the drug-only real thing was “before you get on the flight-take one,and you will sleep the entire way”! I was not told the drug is addictive…and should not be used to treat folks who have had previous drug addictions or signs of alcohol abuse. I am guilty of both-a cocaine habit in the 1980’s and a methadrine (crystal-meth) in the early 1990’s qualifies me for one. Alcohol has seemed to be a long going battle…so,still guilty!

I also was not told it is only meant for short term use-suggested treatment is limited to TWO WEEKS!!! My first supply was meant to be a 30 day supply-I cut them in two,so it was 60 days for me! I had become addicted with out realizing.

The med’s lasted me through my trip and through the art exhibit I became involved in-many people,and the need to enter many buildings,it all became easy. It was even remarked by one of the art committee members….”you seem so different this year” ! I liked the way they made me feel and requested more-this time around I received a double 30 day supply (a prescription for 30 plus a refill)…that equates into 120 days! That by splitting them.

What I was NOT told….the drug has a residual effect! In other words-it is in your system as a time release type drug-so each day little specks of it work to keep you lethargic….LONG AFTER YOU QUIT TAKING IT!

I was NOT told the drug has a hypnotic effect. I was NOT told that if I quit I would experience withdrawls!

I did quit! I felt the need about two weeks ago. I dumped the entire bottle-and sent message to the doctor at the VA….do NOT refill this medicine.


The pills got dumped on a Thursday-the following Saturday I woke from such a nightmare …as a matter of fact-the nightmare was horrible!

I tried to ‘produce’ that morning-but my body got sicker as minutes went by. I found myself laid out on the floor for  most of the day,only getting up to go to the toilet-it effected my gut too.

That has been nearly two weeks ago! I am STILL suffering! Part of what made me quit the drug was sleep! That was the answer it gave me…sleep,sleep more-sleep a lot! I would rather be dead than useless,and useless I became.

Another thing the drug did to me-and the major reason I decided enough was enough…the euphoric feeling of-well,it enhanced my drinking! I wanted to drink everyday-because the drinking brought on thoughts of DAMAGE CONTROL…and DAMAGE CONTROL is seriously dangerous in my life-because I use it to put myself in harms way. To be hurt! To be beat up! To be DEAD!

Hmmm,funny thing-they DID NOT tell me the ‘medicine’ urges desire to kill ones self! Medicine? A help-a health treatment? Suicide? Yes…it was making me feel like doing things I did back some years ago-it made me want to get hurt!

I’m still trying to see through the muck of it! I dumped them two weeks ago and still cannot get it out of my system.

I finally decided to read up on this stuff! First-I only knew it as Alprazolam-I did not know it was XANAX!

I was stunned by what I read-and wondered why these effects were not explained to me more clearly. Why was I not asked if I had prior drug use? Or…did I ever want to kill myself? Or-do I drink? I actually remember being told-a quick beer would hasten the sleepy feeling-try one before I get on the plane! And…there was never a mention that this drug remains-and continues to work in your system long after you quit it.

 By the way-if you are curious,there is also information that states the medicine is only intended for short term use! I am not sure what length short term use is…but total my prescriptions and take the fact I split the pills….that would give me 240 days of use,that could give me 120 days to make up for,one-third of one year!

I am ashamed I did this to myself! Indeed-the intent was reasonable…I am afraid of public places,I have phobic reactions in restrooms-and I did not relish the thought of being on an airplane for nearly six hours! Yes…I asked for it. But never again.

My shame is that I wanted to use a drug to mask my fears. It is contrary to what I stood for several years ago….the answer of drugging ones self to hide the past. I thought that because it was a medicine it would be different. I had a one year long affair with COCAINE….and it was EASIER to kick!

And one last note-try the following link to discover how-and that,this drug is used in veterinarian use as well…seems we are treated like dogs after all !!

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