Donald Duck doctrine…

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Originally uploaded by jayfherron

The title of this journal is true-and it is about the life of a man who shares the details of his life from all aspects,not just the scene of an attack and rape,because there is so much more involved-life goes on,as they say. For some,smooth as a peach-and others?

A few years ago in Brunswick Georgia a little six year old boy was taken from the swings in a playground. He ended up in the mobile home of the parents of a 32 year old man and his pal that he had met in a correctional institution-they shared confines together. The mother and father of this man helped as he and his friend continually abused the boy. He died what from must have been the most horrid moments in his six year old life. They dumped him in a ditch in a black trash bag for a coffin.

The same terrible end of life came to a 12 year old girl in north central Florida. The sick blank that took her buried her alive once his time with her was over. They found dirt in her lungs which showed she was still breathing when the sick blank shoveled dirt on her. The news reports lauded how active she was in the church. I suppose many took consolation from that.

I know all across the country there are other cases which are as horrendous-but these two will stick in my mind for a long time.

I would like to think there was a point when these small hearts lost conciseness of this world and what was happening-and was already with God,and only a carcase was being abused…and a soul was already at peace. But it is hard to believe that when over and over you hear of these crimes against children.

It isn’t just that! When I was 16 years old I watched as my baby brother tumbled underneath a Chrysler New Yorker. He lived only a short while that day-he might have been already gone,and we were just watching the body die. Unless you’ve seen it you cannot imagine what it is like watching someone suffer like that. That too will remain in my memory forever.

I want to use the morbid to ponder what I have difficulty comprehending.

It has been four weeks today that the trips to Shands Hospital began. You sure do never get to plan which route your highway is going to go. I never thought in my life I would learn the lifestyle of hospital-I did not know I could sit in a building for that long. I do understand the karma behind it and it is almost like fasting,except you are confining your time into one general area-only. And this how it compares-instead of fasting from foods,you fasting from one usual routine of activity and living  in exchange for one that takes you in a door and you sit for hours. You are fasting from the outdoors and sky.

There are spaces. Going to the cafeteria or for a cup of coffee. The walk from one end of the hospital to other must be a half mile walk. Easily one could walk that despite my accuracy,you see a whole lot no matter how long the walk is.

There is a smoking area at the entrance near one of the coffee stands. It amazes me the countless patients mingled with staff in scrubs and lab coats-many patients with the metal tower that hooks on to the fluids used to salvage someones life. All out there smoking. And then you go in and pass the coffee stand and turn left and pass the area where often you kids 3 or 8 or 12 in some sort of complicated wheel chair-or with no hair from chemotherapy.

It does something to you seeing all of this. Like fasting is supposed to be-the moments bring you towards a spiritual plane of thought. This past month of sitting everyday with the newest creatures on earth-52 of them, we were told yesterday. From where we sit you can count 11 in just one row,not including ours-which seems to have 10. All of them pre mature and tiny tiny.

My mind goes from millions of places to millions of places during these days. You sit on the bench and sip coffee watching the smokers through the glass-and then you sit upstairs in a small confined area and look through the glass at this tiny baby fighting for its life and then you think about what is in between.

Yesterday one of the woman from a church was waiting to go in to visit-she commented about the blessings and again my mind wondered about all of this. Who’s blessings? I told her to be sure to look around as she walked towards where our space is and to count and to pay attention to how many are alone (no family-but being gently and wonderfully treated by nurses). And where are the blessings for them?

You have to know there must be a better life than this! It can’t be this stupid and so screwed up…and that being all there is. Despite all of the ugliness and misery there must be rest and peace-I believe there truly is a God,and we can’t see God sometimes because of the muck in our lives. You can’t look up into the sky with out knowing it.

It can’t be all about sinfulness and evil….otherwise,why are these children being punished so?