sometimes that is the way life is


116

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

About the only thing the guy in this photo has going for him is his dog. Among us all-the dog is the only one not laughing in sarcasm as to how off track can you get?

Yes…this is a boat-known as an air boat. They are powerful what with the airplane engines that thrust them. The power is so strong you can ‘boat’ through the water or through the marshes and even on solid ground…but getting it to go through two trees is not in the book.

This fellow is lucky. Fortune has graced him with others…no one can create an embarrassing moment like this and not have spectators-so we all helped rock the boat free.

Why this man is lucky is because the spot we are standing in is miles from anywhere. The only transportation out of this spot is by boat or an eleven mile hike to highway 50 through muck and marsh and most likely thousands of mosquitoes.

It has to be a sinking feeling to have a 20k dollar boat like this wedged up as it is. On a bluff so remote and in a situation that AAA cannot resolve. I could see the look in the owners eyes of panic and despair.

It is always interesting when the crowd grows-the suggestions (many daft) begin…you know-the  “if it was me”  kind of tone.

I can relate to the muddled sounds he must be hearing. His body is present but his mind is stuck between those trees with his boat.

It’s kind of like one of those ruts in the road we seem to go through. The kind where the problem seems so deep there is no way to turn it around. Every thing was moving smoothly – every one was smiling and having a good time, life was good. Then came the part where the two trees got involved.

Maybe it’s because it is too much like the feelings of depression. You can be up on life’s high and then suddenly be slammed-right between two trees. That’s how it feels-and that there is no way out. Everyone is making suggestions….many daft! Those like “have a beer and cheer up” or “if it was me” or “it can’t be that bad”. None of them work because most of them are spoken by someone who has no idea what it feels like.

My feelings are of panic and despair-they usually grow stronger for me around this time of year. My dreams even become more intense. Yesterday my son and I went to Lowe’s. The moment we entered the store we were smacked in the face with crixmix decorations. I think it gets worse every time…seeing that stuff. It seems the duration of seeing the ‘seasons’ get longer every year.

It was 41 years ago this month that I first boarded the USS Vulcan. I can close my eyes and still see the morning I first saw her. It was still dark and the lights   seemed to be illuminating every inch of this giant vessel which I was soon to be a part of.

 A life I will never forget.

This past Friday in our local area there was a festival exclusive for veterans. I was at a meeting where the topic came up-several of the people in our meeting were being hosts at one of the booths. They talked of what the event was and how it was to support veterans. I heard the words about the homeless vet’s and felt the pangs of guilt that I had it so well and they do not. My guilt also includes not serving my country as many other had.

We passed by the parade of crixmix trees on display at the home improvement store-they were surrounded by other gee gaw that has connections to the crixmix story of fantasy and make believe…but serve as symbols of terror to me in the way that they remind me of the things that happened in the short time I ‘served’.

The people at the meeting who were hosting the booth at the veterans festival were inviting me to join in the festivities…they do not realize the grief it is to me to have to yet hide my military service,to keep inside the life I still continue to live…with shame,and the guilt knowing I really did not get to serve and I really am not a veteran.

Things are going great…then,all of a sudden….there’s two trees!

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