the gift…


sunset at Possum Bluff,located on the St.Johns River,Florida

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

The last time I wrote I mentioned how depression starts bothering me around this time of year. My body and life has moved into an older man but my feet are stuck where I was at age 18.

It was this season in 1969 that I became a member of the crew of the USS Vulcan ( AR-5) .

Like I said-I was 18,and like many young military man at that time,it was my first time away from my family.

The division I worked in-the galley-allowed me everynight off and every other weekend. I took advantage of my new found freedom-no mom and dad to apply a curfue-I’d take the liberty bus into Norfolk and walk Granby Street.

Granby Street was lined with shops to attract the sailor. There where ‘champaign lounges’ where the sailor might go and be conned to buy champaign for the ladies who blew in your ear and whispered nothings. Six dollars a glass made my visit to a champaign lounge really short-we were only paid 79 dollars a month.

There was another shop on Granby that sold jewelry.

It was once upon a time that shops had hawkers-salesmen that stood on the street in front of the shop and would begin the sales process the moment you walked by. One of those hawkers caught me and talked me right in to the counter to show me a pendant. It was called the ‘mothers pendant’…it was designed for all the mothers of sons who were serving,especially the sons in Viet Nam.

He called it the ‘mothers pin’. He had me so convinced to buy this we both were shedding tears-true,he was that convincing. Besides-I was offered credit and UPS shipping…I could’nt have felt more mature.

My brother Frank (we were stationed together) gave me the biggest ration of hell when I told him what I had done. He told me it was the biggest con (and I learned he was right) and demanded I go home to our family home and retrieve the gift. That I wish I had never done….it was’nt that big of a con.

Early this year I managed to travel to Pearl Harbor. My son is stationed there in the US Navy and the timing of his invitation was especially important because my name had been cleared by the Navy and I was awarded disability benefits because of the PTSD from the rapes in barracks D.

The trip to what has to be one the biggest historic Navy event-the attack on Pearl Harbor had so much meaning to me. It was as if evetryday was meant to offer me some strange form of healing to be in the midst of all of this history-and all of the ships.

On the flight over I met an artist-actually,a jeweler. He bopped on to his home island and invited me to take a weekend of my visit to experience his islands attractions,and I accepted.

The flights from island to island are quick-about enough time to drink a beer,but just barely enough. My host met me and we took in some sights and I was able to buy some gifts for a few friends back in Florida-for some very select special friends I was able to find soome very unique and special things. I missed one person-the most important of these friends,Charlotte (my former therapist at the VA). Mostly because there was nothing that fit the special this person was to me.

I mentioned my new friend being a jeweler. I thought of him-maybe I could buy something from him?  His response was such…”you can’t afford what I make”, and once seeing his work , I understood his honesty.

The mystery of things always gives me a sense of of the angels the Bible says encamp around us to protect and guide.

Among all the shops in the airport there was one place where there was a very beautiful young oriental girl standing with a goldfish bowl filled with colored papers…”take and you get great discounts on real pearls right from the oyster”,and along side of her was a huge aquarium filled with water and live oysters.

It reminded me of Granby Street.

“Take a paper and unfold to see your discount” she tells me….”no obligation” she says.

So-I get a free pearl! I’m believing then this is a gimmick,but I took the wand and chose an oyster (or is it a clam?) and it was holding the most beautiful black pearl. All of the clerks were amazed and told me how rare that black pearl was.

TO BE FINISHED LATER!

 

 

 

2 Responses to “the gift…”

  1. Michael Cody Says:

    Revised corrected version of e-mail I sent to 3 MST Directors Bay Pines FL, Augusta GA & Balt MD followed up by a sobbing phone call to no avail. Not even a one call or response. Corrected words below .had even

    I need help in your MST program, here is a letter I e-mailed to my girlfriend for clarification.

    —–Original Message—–My records are at Togus VA, Augusta Maine. I addressed the issues in 98 but they could not help me. My last 8 years + (records) are at your facility in Bay Pines Michael Cody last for, 58 years old
    .

    Diane, I have decided to run-away like you.
    What tremendous turmoil this is. I can’t go on with out your support. I believe you were my last love and relationship experience on this earth. I have left the program. They could not address any of my Sexual Trauma needs. I don’t drink to a point that I would ever have the shakes or go into the DT’s. As you know I am a beer drinker. They all know that at the program, but everyone is placed in the same box and they also want you to practically admit to narcotics even if you never touched the stuff, it’s crazy. That’s why many VA programs have so many repeats.
    I would hope that you call me in the event I should decide to end it. Its your uncanny sound reasoning you have for others that astounds me when someone else is in a crisis. You have sound intervention when it’s not you that’s in the crises. I never in my deepest thoughts would have believed you would have left me for good and hurt me like this. And you never even answered any of my my e-mails. You do realize that three other times it was you going through similar cycles of emotions and I came through for you. You are the one that ran away but came back to your senses. I’m sure that making like you just don’t give a damn is applauded by Sarah and reinforced by her advice and influence. She is sure not like you, it’s hard to believe you are her mother. I seen her mean side twice, when we first met she was running away to Colorado for a new S&M boyfriend and again this last time when she left Kevin for a fling wit a 19 y/o and sense of freedom. That must have really messed up (8y/o daughter) Phadrea’s idea of commitment and love. She really took advantage of Kevins loyalty and love. It did not seem to faze her a bit. But Kevin did not give in. I called him once when he was sobbing and in emotional grief, it was painful. If I were him I would have a paternity test of the new baby Dresden. I hope it’s his, but he will love him anyway.
    If you don’t believe I left the program call the mental health ward at FT Meade 605-720-7132
    Speak with anyone who answers and ask for me. I was also there on Dec 10th at the emergency room. I know you never believed me about that, it was also a bad day. You flew out on the 9th had a Date with Ron on the 10th was supposed to come back on the 15th and sent your son instead on the 16th to pick up the car and your stuff.
    You probably thought I was going to find another woman but this time I had actually committed myself to you for life, thinking it was mutual and that you were going to be my loving partner and support, until death do we part. All the while I was believing you knew and understood how I was broken. It was going to be hard enough to go through all this with you even by my side.
    But absolutely impossible with out you.
    The biggest problem is no one else really cared like you, they never seen me as a wounded, ashamed victim, the nine year old
    Mike Cody that was screwed up for most of his young life and tormented for his adult life. Remember the story of me and my three innocent 12 year old friends in the tent, the National Geographic nudes they were giggling about. That is when I started to feel so abnormal and ashamed not only had I seen a live nude adult woman but was forced to do things to her that were unknown to me before I had even matured enough to ejaculate. She had great big breast and we were forced to bite them and leave marks or even make them bleed. Normans victims were like minded kids who were fatherless and poor like me. We had to perform anal, oral and had been pissed on,tied up, spanked, wore leather mask, as Father Curran was our only audience. Its all in the photos at the police station. The ones that are beyond the statues of limitations. I entered the military to get away from all this. I had a flash back one day and told my Captain all this stuff in detail.. He asked all kinds of questions . I remember so vividly, it seem to turn him on Here I am still barley 19 and so scared, stationed at Kadena Air Base Okinawa. He took total advantage of me. I relieved it all again but supposedly as a choice he called it, for the next 2+ years.
    I was his slave, wimp, caged sissy made to worship the Big Black Cock, forced to drink golden showers it was all terrible and now sometimes it’s horrifying to think it’s considered normal as a fetish. Hence the book children in chains, now I am a adult in chains.
    May all my perps die in hell.
    All anyone wanted to talk about in my treatment staff meeting is my beer drinking. If I did not have all this pain and torment I probably would not drink. With Sarah who I assume knows about this stuff I was always the bad guy . I hope she feels this kind of pain one day so she can understand.
    She has been my worst enemy on this planet but I still had the heart to forgive her and she threw it in my face. Black is her favorite color and also the color of her heart. She needs God, He will soften her heart and connect her with her children, other wise they will be lost when they get older.
    I love you and have missed your more than anyone I have known or lost in this life. I’m not really sure what to do at this point. I am in a real emotional crisis and hanging on by a thread. Health and money seem to have no importance or priority to me now.
    Not only am I tormented by all my feelings of abnormality. But now my heart is totally broken and shattered.
    I don’t believe it can get better and sure hope it can’t get worse. If there was ever a time that I justifiably needed you to call, it’s now. My N C cell is 336-712-5234

    • jayherron Says:

      Man…this is heavier than my ability to answer owns-mostly because of this coming so close to my own rapes-this day being the anniversery,and of the vast depth this comment has…be clearer to me if you’d explain the thing fuuly,as if you hav’nt here-but for my own mind to understand!
      peace

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