the perfect place-catfish hotel


catfish hotel-St.Johns River,Florida

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

The most peaceful place!
One of the hardest parts of our lives it is hard to find the perfect place. The most peaceful place.

If I could have my choice-it would be here at ‘catfish hotel’.

There is no road. As a matter of fact-there are no convieniences-anywhere…unless you had a boat.

The river is the only neighbor-this the only dwelling for a five-mile radius!

I wish that I was there right now…and that in my head and heart I could feel that I was the only one in being. Everything else was void.

Some years ago I had this amazing Spiritual experience.

I was in a semi truck-we were loading cattle for the long haul across to California from Rebecca,Georgia. I always thought this was interesting-Rebecca being a key figure in the Old Testament. But it took a few years after to realize the significance of it being in the town of Rebecca.

Believe me when I say this-thanks to the help of drugs…our eyes had been open for a solid week-and we were yet to bound off for another 3000 miles. My heart gave up and said “no more”.

I felt like someone came up from behind me and slugged me between my shoulders-on my back. I sunk down to my knees-trying to breath.

The other drivers-all as popped up as I was…they all came to my rescue and helped me in my truck. And once there I felt a second fist-same place and same hard hit feeling. And I fell into my bunk.

I felt myself becoming the horizon. Voices were singing-very beautiful singing in a language I’ve never heard-but I understood.

The scene ahead of me was the most beautiful I had ever seen. It was also a horizon and I was becoming a part of it-and going towards the light…but I saw the darkness too.

I felt the beautiful comfort I’ve ever known in my life. I wanted to go forward.

It seemed somehow guilt entered the picture. I had been subjecting my body to the poison that was ready to kill me…but seeing this I could not dispute that what we consider death may very well be more beautiful than anyone knows. After all-the most of death we see is in funeral homes and in hospitals or as the last flash as we hurdle through the windshield. But none of us see the actual presentation to the individual as  death comes to them.

I feel we are dead already. And have never seen life yet…because of what I saw then and what I see now.

So…my guilt woke me back to this place (just to adjust time-this was in 1993-or 94). In my mind as this was happening was that I was so toxic from what I was doing to my body. I had somehow the conscious thought that this was how they would find my carcass-dead from the way I poisoned my body.

Well…I can’t say much of the lesson stuck. I still find a way to escape my reality-and usually in a toxic way…sometimes moderate,and then there are times like the other day-the kind that lasts into the next day into a long period of regret.

Well…I can say much of the lesson did stick! I know there is a God…and I know it is each one of us-individually that finds that peace from the Spirit. And-I know this is not the special place (earth) every one wants to think it is.

This world overwhelms us…the oil in the Gulf-and children living under cotton sheets in Haiti…kids in Africa and in places we never heard of-suffering. The strange thing-there is never any understanding why any of us have to suffer. But it seems we all experience something that makes us despair.

I get ashamed of myself at what despair does to me. The things that I do that I have to hide from others…and yet fail to remember that I do it ALL in front of my friend-the Spirit of God.

I’m trying to recover! Just from this past week…along with all of my life. But…this week has been memorable-I still feel toxic from the abuse. Rare that it lasts this long.

I could handle a space-an open space like Catfish Hotel.

I would like to be there and hear the pure silence. I would love to lay back-and take it all in…and hope my meditation would return that horizon that I found in Rebecca. It was so peaceful. And…none of this was there.

Peace…oh,BTW-I never saw the next 3000 miles. My cattle hauling life did end that day. I just was able to walk away from it.

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2 Responses to “the perfect place-catfish hotel”

  1. Joan Says:

    “I feel we are dead already. And have never seen life yet…because of what I saw then and what I see now.”

    Amen, Brother. All that we are in this life is just to prepare us for the life that is to come. The eternity that God wants us to have. I don’t believe in coincidence – everything happens for a reason. Even the horrible, terrible stuff that leaves us living with our nightmares.

    We are here to learn to love one another – truly to love one another. If we all followed that simple commandment, To love God and to love our neighbors as ourselves. If each one of us could learn that – there would be no such thing as MST.

    Thank you for sharing. I, for one, are very glad that you are still here!

    Joan

  2. jayherron Says:

    My heart enjoys knowing that…that I am still here-strange,how I can lament-and still say that!
    peace

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