anxiety…how it squeezes your throat


the door to barracks D

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

My day has a plan that I cannot get aboard with.

I have an appointment at the VA Medical Center. It is the first in over one year with a medical doctor-not counting the scene with the MST doctor. That day contributes to the already in place angst-this past week building up to what is happening now.

I wanted to call and cancel…last week!

I kept saying it to myself-call…and the anxiety about that interfered all the way to now. And now I have to go. And now-I am fighting it…not me personally but the personality that seems to take over in times like this.

I want to puke and I want to crap at the same time-but it feels like a fist is in my mouth deep into my throat. I feel like I’ve been jogging up hill and cannot get my breath-and the same fist has another grabbing the pit of my stomach,and I so badly want to puke.

Pass the fact I don’t feel any confidence there-it is the waiting area that really works me up. It is always a crowd. There is likely to be that disgruntled vet that chooses me to grunt at-which causes me such pain inside from the aggressiveness of the tone. You always see one-upset that he has had to wait…and then somehow it seems I lock in on that and allow it to mess with my own peace of mind.

The day is getting harder to face by the second-it really seems so. The pressure it puts in one,as if my head were going to explode.

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3 Responses to “anxiety…how it squeezes your throat”

  1. Joan Says:

    Jay,

    Hang in there! I am thinking of you and praying for you!

    Joan

  2. bookwitchery Says:

    Thinking of you, dear one.

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