March 2011


amber

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

The road is going to end at the pier at the Port of Savannah!

I am about to embark on another level of living…or may I say “re-living”?

I had noticed for a long many years that my collecting trinkets and gadgets and toys that each peculiar item has a point of meaning to me. Each piece of my museum of things is directly connected to a place in my past. My Zippo lighters are all from U.S.Navy ships,and next to them on the shelves are toy trucks that represent a truck just like the trucks I drove during my life as a trucker! There is a model car exactly like the first automobile I ever owned…a 1954 Chevy driven most of its life with me without any brakes what so ever! Yes…it was possible then.

I was told one time by a therapist that there is a little boy stuck in me. I was stunted in living from the incidents in barracks D where I have taken that as a refuge,being like a boy. The things that I collect are like places of refuge to me because the memory of them represents are more positive than the memory of my 18th year when I was lost at the crossroad of becoming a man and being a boy.

For those just finding this journal I am male rape survivor. I was assaulted while serving in the Navy.

I enlisted in the Navy at age 17,having to serve in a reserve program until my 18th birthday. I was both nervous and excited the day I left home to be sworn in to defend the Constitution and whisked of to boot camp. I remember that the night before the late movie just happened to be “The D.I.” starring Jack Webb (to the youth….this was way before digital and cable TV)! It was such an appropriate film for the moment and completely a rare moment of perfect timing. I purchased a copy last week on eBay to add to the collection of memories.

The reader needs to read in the pages of this journal to find every detail of that period of my life in 1969-70. As one would read that period of my life has never ended and lingers on as fears and phobias that contribute to dreams that are equivalent to nightmares. People have used the word survivor yet it is hard to see how it could be so.

I began writing this five years ago! I was angry at the Veterans Administrations level of attention to the crime and victims and had to find a way to express the anger! But as I had mentioned several pages back it has come to a place where I have said as much as I can and repeated much of it over and again…that this ‘blog’ is at its closing point. It is not that I am turning away from ‘survivors’ but a matter of that my task involving advocacy for other survivors must go to another level. Change the channel,so to speak.

Adding to my collection of memorabilia is the ship(the same as in the photo). I can’t bring it home,but this Spring it will become my home for 5 weeks. It is a working ship,not a ‘princess’ style ship with buffet madness and the other madness of gambling! No,just a crew of twenty-two and four paying guests. I am one of the four! At last there will be liberty ports in my life! France,Spain,Malta,and Italy are just a few. Not the tourist spots where the big white fancy floating hotels take their hundreds….we will see the real life by coming in the back door.

I was not able to fulfill a life on the sea’s. The USS Vulcan was my only experience on a ship and that was cut short. All of that is written somewhere in back pages of this journal.

I will embark on this adventure with a small laptop. Opinion has it that I should write a book and I believe that is what is in the scope of all this.

The boy who is stuck in me is alive with excitement of the thought of living on this ship! I can not think of any other place where it would make better sense to try to close the door on my past…yet I know not all of the past will be locked on the outside,much will always be there. I am certain that I will not be the first to write about life while out on the high sea’s but I feel the scent of it all will inspire what will be said.

 I have made many friends from writing this. I may never see many of you but know exactly what your pain is about and what your lives have been and I know that I have grown close in my heart to each one of these friends. In reality the reward in all of this has been the richness of knowing that I have things that have helped. My God,it has helped me! The once upon a time ago of thinking that I was alone in this turned into a discovery of that this is bigger than anyone could imagine,and it became something far more greater than money could ever exchange.

It is  an odd thing. I am blessed in many ways….rich not because of money,but from you.

4 Responses to “March 2011”

  1. Mike E Says:

    dude ya gotta be freaking kidding! europe on a cargo ship?? stow me away in your laptop case! awesome..

    also check this out..</a

    Merry christmas!

  2. nancy S Says:

    A tramp steamer! Rock on, Jay. Be sure to write a journal, and send updates when you can.

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