The date is here. I have not stacked or packed or much of anything,except my papers are in a neat stack,this I know.
It had not seemed to bother me at all,and I’m not sure if what I am feeling is ‘bothered’ or anxiety driven adrenalin. Friday I have to be near port,Sunday the ship leaves,but could leave Saturday too. I have been assured of my place in life…”you are not the important one” meaning if I don’t get there when beckoned I ain’t going.
All of this because I am boarding a freighter for six weeks. Months ago I saw it as a way to re-live something lost long way back in the Navy. Now that it is here I feel like James Brown practicing his strut before a concert…I am so wired I am walking around the house with that energy he had.
Honestly,interesting to me,I can’t remember anything present. I am trying to figure out what needs to be done next. I have only managed to wash a dish and a bowl. The reality of how huge this is what I am doing has me feeling like I am up off the ground about 10 or 12 feet and looking down at the progress of my day. I haven’t felt this weird since one or many of my sessions with Charlotte (my former therapist) where the time would spent together would be so intense that the day on through I felt slugged and like I was wading through mud.
I have not packed a thing.
The person driving me wants to pull his travel trailer…he said we could only go about 55 mph. I could not sleep,the idea kept scaring the shit out of me. I kept waking up and voicing out loud from my sleep…I can’t go 55 mph on the Interstate highway with a driver pulling a travel trailer,pure insane. As my practice of going to strange places I drove to the ship terminal that I am to go to and the cars were going faster than me,and I was going 80. the thought of 55 mph was working at me bad. Thankfully my driver is agreed with me guiding us all the way by back roads.
I have no clue of for what?? Where am I going to go? I have no idea.
Peace
a males life after rape 
March 21, 2011 at 9:22 pm |
Jay,please tell me you stashed your computer at your sons’ house or somewhere safe.Nothing else,stereo,collectables,dvd’s seemed amiss.No computer,though,a little worried.
March 22, 2011 at 1:38 pm |
Hi Jason. I believe that he took it with him. He intended to do some writing on his trip. He also mentioned to me about the lack of internet access on this ship, but he was taking the computer anyway. Hope this helps!
March 30, 2011 at 8:03 pm |
……..Safe Voyage Jay