I became one of the silent wounded in the battle…of trying to survive.
At around 2 a/m this date in the morning…5 hours and 30 minutes ago – the trauma began…in the year 1969.
It still goes on in my heart-and my head-and my nightmares.
PTSD.
Archive for December, 2012
this date…
December 31, 2012America-look….
December 22, 2012
The truth ends up finding its way out! The truth has always been,but many long years of not saying it has done a lot of damage.
Below (I hope-my computer skills lack skill) I hope the link will direct you to the article in the Washington Post (front page) 12/22/12.
In brief to introduce why this article is an interesting read is the numbers! The article states military academies report a 23% rise in sexual assaults. That is an incredible-eye opening number!
It also noted there was a descrepancy in the numbers as male victims tend to not come forward.
In the shadow of all that has happened this past week-I will say very little here.
It is important to make note that this article is about sexual assault in military academies and not military.
However, it is the goal to lead the cadets into military service, and many of these institutions are under the command of former military men .
They are also famous for thier school rivalry’s and codes of honor, many of the bonds made in these grand old institutions that generations followed grandfathers to are kept for life.
So, it is not surprising that something like sexual assault would go through the years so quietly!
I have tried to argue the point with another MST vet that it is impossible to have a society as large as the military’s combined and not have any kind of illegal activity of some kind-and that includes sexual trauma, and even murder!
Military bases are of sizes to match some larger towns-if not being the size of a city; Ft.Irwin, CA is miles of desert before reaching the base center. There one finds fast foods and convieniences compareable to any well established community.
So-it is easy to suspect that some percentage of the community has as it is in our civilian communities…as much as we would like to believe these places are crime free, it is not so.
Do not misunderstand me-I am not saying this is in a wild west sort of way, I am saying it is reason they have base police…it is like any other community-you got good guys and you got bad guys!
But-the bigger problem is the fraternal order in which the elite are protected and the weak are not.
My case with the entire situation of ‘military sexual trauma’ MST-has always been on the respect given to the MST survivor.
Here in my home area a rape victim is immediatly attached to a victims advocate who is assigned to aid the victim through the healing and legal insults of the future. Someone is provided to help the victim from the beginning.
The advocate could not prevent the crime-the rape-but can at least give a beginning passage towards healing right away….not shoveled off into obscurity under a carpet and cloud of having to keep everything quiet-or else.
That is the problem-the post care! The listening of a concerned official, the seeking of the culprit,the defense of the victim, the justice and judgement of the perp, the belief and support of the company commander, the conviction of the guilty, the health and welfare of the survivor….all of that is missing!
And then…civilian life!
And…the next system, the next unbelievers (the VA) the next non-healing process of seeking help and health care and justice!
Missing!
PTSD and pal’s-THIS IS NOT A HAPPY STORY
December 11, 2012
On the left in this photo is my sweetest chihuahua named Sweetie! That is Max snoozing next to her!
She was 15 years old on July 9th when the inevitable need to give her forever rest came!
Max and I are broken-and miss her.
And-there were vet bills to pay, so doing that we met up with Mini.
Mini had to have been the most unbelievable puppy I ever had.
And-we are crushed again…she was run over by ATV machines on Thanksgiving afternoon.
In grief and total shock and the sadness of watching Max looking more forelorn then ever…off I go that following Saturday and pick up the most ate up worm infested hound I have ever seen-the fleas made the skin of this four week old raw with blood.
You know-raising and healing a four week old puppy is work…but damned-if the labor aint turning to love.
I was told on the day of Sweetie’s passing that my vet was a volunteer at the local chapter of PTSD dogs for vets! She remarked I should go for one!
I tried-but found myself stuck by the rutt of the VA being involved!
No VA shrink-well…no PTSD dog!
I explained my situation as how my VA papers forever seperate me from VA medical attention (required attention) and that the shrink I see currently is out of my own pocket…not from the VA’s!
No sir…must be VA!
So, I can live with out a specially trained service dog…and keep my own little crew!
Wormy and eaten up with fleas is now called Rocky! Rocky road in her beginning-and dang if she aint got those racoon circles around her eyes!
Spoiled would be a better name-since her ‘Paw’ will gladly (said with full force of sarcasim) wake at 0100 and 0230 and 0400 and so on-just to stop the whines and of course teach her to pee outside!
But…at those hours??
Make no mistake!
For someone like me-I have a companion who loves me with no exceptions-and is the only creature who casts a shadow that I can completely trust!
TRUST!
The companion is these critters!
The interesting end to these words is about a cat called Echo!
Anyone who knows me knows my not being the fond one of cats! If here-they are well taken care of…but-earn names like ‘Cat’ and are fed and noted for presence…but I do not accept them as well as I do dogs!
This is truth…sometimes truth is hard!
Mini was taken care of in my best and usual canine undertakers respects!
I built her a box and carefully lay her inside with the puppy bed she had.
I got drunk. Cried…and cursed and cried!
And buried her next to Joe and Lucky and Sweetie and others from far back-oh…twenty or so graves?
So…the other eve’s walk I hear “meow”!
It comes from the pet boot hill.
There it is!!
A young cat-about exactly Mini’s age….SAME COLORS!!
It (how dare this) see’s seeing me as a sign that I gave her the keys!! In she goes-right passed me-into the only huge comfort chair in the house…where Mini napped!
Echo!
How could I not give her a name!
This moment-she is healing from ever being the maker of future Echo’s…one will be enough-thank you!
But-I love it!! Mini came back as a cat!
Peace
a males life after rape 