http://www.gainesville.com/article/20130403/ARTICLES/130409825
The above link will hopefully lead you to the recent article about myself-and a local woman-both telling the story of our rape.
I want to point out immediatly-the insult of the editors-and the proof of what I am saying about our society not being ready to hear…males are raped too!
You will notice the change in the actual description-as worded in the article…I know with out a shadow of a doubt I told the writer I was raped…because-in any sense of the truth…rape is NOT a sexual assault!
I have said it often and more-the word ‘sexual’ has no place being connected to RAPE!
I believe most of my readers would agree-I tell you about my life as it is and has been since my rape in 1969/70…new years eve; and the months that foloowed; and the years that followed.
I have opened myself up-in truth-to tell the truth…because the truth was not told-or heard-in that fateful period of my life.
Here…for everyone in any place I have told of everything that has made me rise up or made me fall…drinking, and drug abuse included!
You see…since that period in my life began with non-truths being told about me to have me placed in detention barracks D, it promotes the actual fact….the truth is paramount to anything else-it always stands! It is always there when you need it to be!
A lie…is not solid, mostly is impossable to keep track of-and is useless for anything; a lie fails! everytime!
I was mislead about the article! I am not saying that I was lied to-it is another reason why I am talking about truth and lying….but-it is in fact the truth, the newspaper article as it was presented to me was going to exclusively regard MST.
Believe me-Ms.Perrin, who shares in this artcle, suffers no less because her rape was not an MST incident; her rape was as violent a crime as can be described.
I am thankful for her bravery to tell her story-too.
But…when someone says “here is your chance to tell about MST” and the listener and writer of the details misses it-and fails to fully tell the story.
Well, I am sad and disappointed.
In deeper regrets-the writer did not even touch on the full impact of the VA hospital and how they told me to appeal for a disability benefit to validate me…then fought the crap out of me to keep me from getting it!
I never in my life thought of recieving benefits as WHAT?? could benefit me for having to nearly weep every morning of my life when ever I use the bathroom???
Think about that-it is too hurtful to explain!
The article has very little to say about the VA.
And-the truth!
My truth!
I have always thought of my life and the experience of living through the hell of barracks D-and the after years….was odd because I always had to defend myself; defend why my military time was only months, and never in Viet Nam.
Indeed-I had to preveracate to avoid embaressment, but-I never lied. I just left out the part about the rapes.
The rapes that no one came to my defense for me….”get used to it” was what I was told.
Would you be able to understand…being a Viet Nam era veteran and being in the company of combat vet’s who saw the real terror-and not being able to tell a story like thiers? to sit there among these men-and have to hide who you are? Even a mere week ago while waiting in the post office-two guys beside me in line began talking about ‘hamburger hill’ and ‘sepmer fi’ and I felt so ashamed.
I am not a veteran like they are!
One living person in my life knows the story of what happened! I really have a black hole in my life of what I know about taking place.
I never knew why I was arrested, or why I was being accussed.
If one reads the report the Naval Intelligence Officer wrote…you would think he had interviewed a 10 year old.
That interview came just hours after my being raped…I was so young then-I DID NOT EVEN KNOW IT WAS RAPE!!
There was no care-no sympathy-no assistance from a mental health counsoler-nothing; and from that day on…it was just a long life of being thought of as a liar and a loser.
But…one living witness who can shed light.
The only one-is still alive.
In fact-the newspaper article writes that she told them my brother felt I was going to ruin his career.
I never knew that.
Why can’t I be told…my truth?
I wonder if the witness interviewed ever knew that the Navy was offering me college in exchange for 10 years military service?
I wonder if she knew my brother made my life so miserable after my telling him the exciting news…he told me they were lying just to get me to re-enlist.
My brother was jealous-that is what I knew in my memory of it.
But-my witness has her versions too.
I do know-the result of the secret is this-I was beaten and raped! and raped! and raped…for two months, more than once a day-if it worked out that way.
So-I will always remember what good a lie does for a person; after all-it was a lie that put me in this place!
A LIE FROM A BROTHER-my brother!
He was married to the witness-then.
In 2009 the witness and her husband (no longer my brother-divorced) made a trip from the snowy north to the hopeful warmth of Florida.
It was a chilly Winter-they had a travel trailer-and the water pipes froze; and the vehicle they towed the thing with was too light to really tote it safely.
We had a visit during their stay-having not seen each other in 16-maybe more years, or so.
Or…communications-nothing personal between us.
Due to the weather, I offered the security of my property to store the travel trailer until the weather improved a few months later. It came to no harm-and was as they left it when they returned!
And-they were invited to stay a few days visit!
The travel trailer was parked 10′ from my house-30′ feet from my front door.
They visited-she visited-entering into my house through the front door!
And-that Sunday-attended church with my sons wife!
We had conversation,these guests and I-in the living room of my house…I believe-more then once!
So-a week after they leave my sons wife begins a chat by saying “by the way…auntie Bernie aske me a question about you”
“oh?”
“yes…she wanted to know if you did drugs”
“huh?”…”when’d she ask you this?”
“oh…in church last Sunday!”
“in church”…”you?”…”why?”…”and why you”…”and-what could you possably tell her?”
To say the least-the longer this sunk in-the more it hurt!
How cold someone be so rude to be in your home…and yet-behind your back-in a church-ask someone else about your/my personal life?
Am I a liar?
I suppose…it must be so-if I could not be shown the respect to have my own chance to respond to the question about my life…I must be a liar!
I was-and am again offended!
The newspaper article!
In order to prove me truth…again…despite that the writer-reporter had every piece of paper of my case file; had spoken to my attorney….needed to speak to someone who could “tell my truth”!
Why…there is only one living who knows the story-it is her!
But…she seems not so particular how to get the truth, not finding me as a good source of my own truth…so? who knows what she will say to you (Ms.Reporter)??
Like falling down and having someone put a shitty boot in your face to keep you from getting up…I had called my sons wife and asked her to call this woman-the witness-and give her an advanced notice the reporter may-and did-call.
The shitty boot?
I had to call this woman and apologize to her for being angry!
Apologize!
Apologize in order to (hopefully) have my truth told…the same truth I’ve been denied all of these years, yet must grovel for now, and apologize with out being able to say how insulting it was to me to have my personal business discussed in a church-House of God-a Faith Tabernacle…with out the consideration of being asked first….
if she wanted info on me?
Why not ask me?
It was only footsteps away!!
I am bound by the truth of my life-why think I may lie?
Very confusing.
All in thinking my telling the story of MST to a local newspaper woud come out as it is-in fact-a story of many many veterans who are hurting and suffering and their story is much more important then the fact someone has to hold a secret of someones truth as a marker-of a debt.
Hostage by having to apologize….for wanting to tell the story of thousands!…not-me…for MANY!
And…the crixtian ladys chatter at the back of a church in a high and mighty fashion, of disgusting selfish chitter.
Of course, I am not happy…sounding off here as well…as I had actually never thought about it again since 2009 when I had asked for an apology and was met with rebuke.
Forgiveness IS forgetting it!
Until the other week when the reporter asked for a witness…then I remembered-this person might not be so happy with me.
Out of consideration-to avoid a surprise call from a reporter-I thought I would be courteous and have her notified there may be such a call.
I did not expect someone could continue to harbor a grudge…when indeed-it should be myself who held but deposited a grudge long ago…and made me grovel for forgiveness, which was mine to give-not to ask for….in order to tell the truth!
I AM glad I trust in a Living Loving God…and not in church or the people of!
Peace
a males life after rape 
April 25, 2013 at 12:44 am |
you are a liar, I never asked you for an apology to talk to your reporter and we were not talking about you in the back of the church, you make it sound like we spent hours talking about you. I got upset with my daughter when she told me you were still using drugs, I all but called her a liar, she said ask his sons wife if you don’t believe me so I did I figured she was going to say it wasn’t true. I lost alot of respect for you when she said yes, but sheaid she had never seen you out of control. You were writing about the VA giving you meds and how you thought drugs were the problem,if you complain about taking legal drugs I sure didn’t think you would be using illegal drugs. You go to extremes with your writing you don’t care if you insult someone but don’t let anyone do it to you. I have stood up for you since I was 15, but no more. You know your brother got his life squared away without crutches, why don’t you try throwing yours away and face reality, quit living in the past. I was raped when I was 14, it is a fact of my life, one never gets over it but one does learn that it isn’t the end of the world I didn’t have anyone to talk when it happened and I don’t go around telling everyone I meet and I don’t use it as an excuse for the way I live. People are tired of hearing your story, you seem to add more to it everytime I hear it. Let it go and get on with your life, you can’t help anyone until you can get on with your life, the ones you wanted to believe you are all deceased, they didn’t let your mental state worry them they lived their life, why don’t you learn from them, constantly talking about it, constantly crying about it isn’t going to change the circumstances, it happened. Every experience in life good or bad is either used as a stepping stone or a stumbling stone, for some reason you have chosen to let it be a stumbling stone, you are the only one who can change that and if you really want help it is there for you and if you really want to help someone else who has experienced something like this you can’t help them until you come to terms with your own experience. You say you are a believer of Christ, I know you think you have God’s blessing where your pot is concerned, and I know you think because of your belief you don’t get entangled with this world but my Bible tells me we are to obey the authority over us unless they go against God’s Word, then we must go against what they say.
April 25, 2013 at 2:14 am |
I am not a liar! YOU NEVER ASKED ME!! Who lied to you? My daughter in law? How does she have an answer…when she does not even get out of the vehicle at my home! YES…I use a GIFT from God as a medicine…this blog-have many entrys to that fact…I tell anyone who asks…YES. YOU NEVER ASKED ME!! ME! MY LIFE!! MY BUSINESS! SO…how can you call me a liar? A liar tells you the lie! YOU NEVER ASKED ME!! MY LIFE! MY PERSONAL BUSINESS…and you have to ask someone who DOES NOT KNOW! Screwy-you high nosed cristins…just screwy judges-ALL OF YOU!! But…do I take drugs? NO! Nothing from any pharmacy-nothing!! I was disgusted having to grovel to you…you asked someone else for MY TRUTH!! You could’nt ask me?? and yet…find yourself able to accuse me of being a liar. jeez
April 25, 2013 at 2:54 pm
HI, Jay!
I am so sorry to hear about your negative experience with the newspaper reporter. I went through the same thing when I did the article for the Cedar Rapids Gazette. I finished telling him my story and his immediate response was, “That’s it? It isn’t very dramatic. After all, you were married to one of your attackers…kind of hard to say “rape” when you are married.”
I was so angry! I wanted to pull the article right then and there. How dare he “judge” what my experiences were. Life is not an episode of Law and Order SVU!
What people don’t realize…and it would seem that what Bernie doesn’t realize…is that rape within the military is very much like incest – it causes some of the most severe PTSD in survivors. That is a fact from the Veterans Affairs.
Bernie…I am truly sorry for what happened to you at 14. I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have “gotten over” that part of my life. I can tell you that it was nothing, nothing compared to what I suffered in the military. Truthfully, some of my worst nightmares are about what happened in the military. The fact that you are being raped, beaten, harrassed and abused by the very people that are supposed to take care of you! Then, no one believes you…or no one cares…which is even worse. You feel as though you don’t matter – that you are less than nothing. PLease try to be gentle and to remember that each person experiences the trauma in a different way. I know that for me…I will never “get over it.” They killed my dreams, my career and I still fear that sooner or later…they will take my life. I continue to be a “thorn in their side” and for that reason they may just decide that enough is enough. You don’t meet the people or see the world that Jay has touched…the lives he has changed and enriched.
Jay – your courage, your committment and your love for fellow survivors continues to inspire and bless me every day! You are the strongest and best voice out here for the male survivor. I often refer professionals to your blog so that they can truly see, feel and understand what happens to a man when he is raped. People in the mental health profession thank me all the time for telling them – Read Jay! You are changing them, you are making this a better place for male survivors. People that I come into contact with here at my little corner of the world are now saying “service personnel” or “mean and women” who were raped instead of constantly saying “she and her.”
YOU…YOU – through God’s amazing grace in granting you courage – YOU are making that change!! Our works are “judged” by the fruits of the Spirit that we bear. Your garden is full of fruit! Fruit that nourishes the hurting and fruit hanging from the trees of the others you have “Planted.”
Take peace and blessings in those thoughts – I love you, brother!
Joan
April 25, 2013 at 3:35 pm
Wow…Joan-your words are so healing and I am so grateful for your love!
Bernie, and anyone I offend by my anger at the issue of my ‘liar’ crown as issued by her, understand-I LOVE GOD and having Him as my true Friend-more than anything or anyone! I think still…and will continue to wait for Bernie to apologize for deeming me a liar! As I understand it-it must be told first before it is a lie! God knows…I NEVER HESITATE to say the marijuana is a healing gift and medicine from GOD. It is a direct relative to the fig…the fig is a healing plant in the bible. It is a direct relative to the mulberry…the Spirit of God rustled up threw the mulberry. It is also the direct relative to the sycamore…what did they use in scripture? a sycamore… I told my Social Security judge! I told my VA judge! I told the FBI when they came to my house! I write about it in this blog! I told the entire readership of our local newspaper…just a few weeks ago: http://www.gainesville.com/article/20130307/OPINION02/130309796 I TELL ANYONE THAT ASKS ME!!! Why you found (Bernie) it so necessary to ask someone else, which in itself is offensive, and in a church…that is totally offensive (did you hear the sermon? or spend your time thinking how to judge another…me? At any rate-offended…and expect a sincere apology!
You see…you never gave me a chance to TELL YOU THE TRUTH! I am perplexed…what did it do for you? what is the need to come into a privacy of mine, and yet-do not come to me?…and then-accuse me of being a liar?
And finally-back in 2009…I DID forgive you at the foot of the Cross of Christ-even forgetting-leaving my bitterness there then to be forgotten…until I had to talk to Bernie, and learned she was the one holding the grudge??
Confused…but yet-happy it is me Jesus has called out on the water to walk in Faith, with Him! Sad part of it is, the anger-hurt returned because of learning the inability for everyone to forgive!
April 25, 2013 at 2:57 pm
Oops – that should read “men and women.” Unfortunately – it won’t let me edit!
April 26, 2013 at 2:10 am |
I told you in 09 what Frank said about you and his career,I didn’t know about your wonderful offer until 09 when you told me. Frank was not the reason you got kicked out, he wasn’t responsible for your being AWOL and he wasn’t the one who turned you in for using drugs. You told me that yourself. You are mad because you weren’t the star of the newspaper article so now you can blame me and the reporter. Frank was never jealous of you. You told me he had all your shirts marked Lil Herron and you couldn’t go to inspection. It is really funny because I have a couple pictures of you that were taken on board the ship and your shirts have Herron printed on them. You may have had one shirt with lil herron on it but you didn’t have all your shirts done that way and I have yet to meet any service member that got to opt out of inspection.
You talk about forgiveness I guess that is just for others and not for you. People who always cry truth, usually are full of lies. You say Melody and I were talking about you, my what was all that you told us about Joel’s and her life? I mean really is it any of your business how many kids they have? You told me you never wanted to see me again and I was to leave you alone, I have honored that, but you needed me to talk to a reporter and like the person you are you had your daughter-in-law call me, I told her I hadn’t been in touch with him but if he wanted me to do something for him then he was the one who needed to ask instead of hiding behind her skirt. I didn’t ask you for an apology. You said something like sometimes you get carried away people just need to understand you, I don’t need to understand you, I know you. Everytime you tell your story you add to it, why don’t you look at yourself, you have lived all your life feeling sorry for yourself, I can’t say I know for a fact you were raped, and Jay you weren’t the innocent little man who didn’t know what was happening to him. I don’t have any info about what took place aboard ship Frank didn’t talk about it and after you left he never mentioned your name again. You can’t blame Frank, you can’t blame me or anyone else. It was your actions that got you into your Barracks D, your brother was an enlisted man not an officer and I don’t think he could’ve had you set up. If you really want to help someone start by helping yourself get over this,I don’t know what you are looking for in life,you have a story to tell but after awhile the way you talk about it nonstop it loses something until people just tune it out. I can understand why the reporter wanted to talk to someone other than you and I really couldn’t give her much info because I don’t know for sure if what you say really happened, the only thing I know for sure was you were AWOL and you admitted to using drugs. If you really wanted so much to stay in the service common sense should have told you you don’t take long trips on a short pass.If you look in the mirror you will see the person who has caused you all the trouble you have ever had in life. Please don’t waste anymore of my time,You have decieved yourself with your mulberry tree. You are the only person I know who has a foul mouth, gets drunk and uses illegal drugs and says he is a follower of the Lord. I hope someday you find what you are looking for.I really think the bottom line is you are jealous of other vets and your actions is what kept you from having “real” story to tell of your time in the service.
I know you have given other people courage to face what happened to them, I admire you for that but there really is more to you than that one experience but you seem to like wallowing in event.
Good-bye
April 26, 2013 at 2:15 pm |
I brush the dust off.
May 22, 2013 at 11:02 pm |
How was Mum supposed to ask you anything when you indicated to her that you wanted her to leave you alone and not contact you again? Since she had a question about you, but your own request prohibited her from asking you directly, then it only made sense she would ask Melody or Joel. I know for a fact Mum has defended you all these years. I’ve heard her do it. When you wanted her to talk to your therapist when you were fighting the VA over your rape, she did while sticking by you. She could’ve refused to help you at all, but since she has always held a candle for you and been one of your staunchest allies, well, she spoke up on your behalf. There was no need to ask Melody to call Mum to tell her about the Reporter. You could have called her yourself and told her. Despite your writings to the contrary, Mum is not one for holding a grudge. I can say that as I know her much better than you do. She tends to be too trusting of people and has gotten burned by the people she put her trust in. If you had called and talked to her about the reporter instead of asking Melody to do so, Mum would have talked to you as though she were happy you called and had never told her to leave you alone. I know that as I know how she is. Despite her many faults, she is very loyal and has always been willing and ready to help whoever needed her. That includes you. It just baffles me somewhat that you would repay her sticking by you all these years when others were against you, and her help with your VA claims of rape, by telling her to leave you alone and not contact you again. As to the reporter wanting another source, that’s because too many people tell stories that are later proven to be false. The reporter was practicing good Journalism by asking for additional sources. She wasn’t insinuating any lying on your part.
May 22, 2013 at 11:27 pm |
…you are in the dark! In 2009 your parents stored thier travel trailer here at my property-10′ away from my house! In May 2009 they returned to pick up the travel trailer. They remained here in the travel trailer for several days-I can’t recall how many, but attended church with Melody-and there your mother asked the question. The newspaper article has nothing to do with this!
I did not know this question was asked about me for several weeks! Melody tells me of it.
Your mother never asked me! If your mother would have asked me-she would have heard the truth!
The part that offends me is-the travel trailer-and your folks were here at my home-they sat in my home with me….they could have asked me anything at anytime! And I am deemed a liar for something I had no reason to lie for…because I was not asked! AND-to have this question of my personal private life inquired of me in church-I assume after services….and curiously wonder-is this the sole question? Exactly why?…did she need to ask this-and in church? I cannot find comfort in that. I think it is entirely rude!
I told the FBI I use marijuana. I told the Social Security judge I use marijuana. I told the VA judge I use marijuana. I tell anyone who inquires of me-I use marijuana. I recently responded to a local physicians comments….
http://www.gainesville.com/article/20130307/OPINION02/130309796 ….with NO hesitation.
So, what could keep me from telling your Mum? Hey, it is easy to tell the truth! I’d rather tell THAT TRUTH because I believe in marijuana as a medicine-and I could give a rats ass who knows about it!
So-unjustly…your mother has called me a liar! I AM NOT! Peace
On Wed, May 22, 2013 at 7:02 PM, a males life after rape