I believe I began writing this blog and chronicles of a male who endured sexual trauma during military service-I began writing in 2006-and became a result of military sexual trauma in the eve of 1969-70 until I was released two months into 1970…..I know I began writing one day after my niece and I deposited a manuscript that I had written shortly after my military discharge to a VSO officer at our local veterans affairs office.
This manuscript was supposed-and promised to be sealed until my return the following day to witness the copy being made-and to edit portions of written words-black them out-as, they were of no concern of what else was written.
The following morning-none of that happened; instead-I was handed my original, and soon noted each of the three persons in the office prior to my entry-also held copy; jokes began almost right away…definite jokes about homosexuals.

I am a MALE, and-I was repeatedly raped while locked in a military detention barracks.
Rape is not a sexual contact activity; I know-I know-I did not enjoy any moment of being beaten up, and subsequently hurt days and days on after.
Oh yes, it hurts today too! It hurt that morning in the VSO office-being in the presence of people I was instructed to see by my PTSD therapist at the Gainesville FL veterans hospital.
Being in that office that morning and hearing the sneering innuendo these three spilled I began to feel choked and sick and fled. I went to my local library-to use a computer-to locate a computer sales that would sell me a unit on credit.
Thank you DELL.

The words in the manuscript were to be given as evidence-my niece was present to be a lay-witness that she indeed read the words I had written, and had some knowledge of the rapes.

After that encounter (and after DELL issued the credit and sent the unit-and after many years of dial-up internet service later to be enriched by satellite dish and high-speed internet)….I began writing about military sexual trauma; only thing was that as I began writing I quickly learned-I was not the only one who had this happen; and-not the only male!
I was 50 something years old when that news came my way.

I enlisted in the US Navy at age 17 in April 1969; I was not permitted into active duty because of my age, but they accept me pending my reaching age 18 that coming July. In Silver Springs Maryland on Georgia Avenue I did three very important things-I bought a bible-which I still have-and was honorably discharged from the USNR and signed my enlistment papers into the United States Navy-active duty….I had previously tried to enlist in the USMC but was turned away; it was my intent to serve my country and defend our flag and freedom; I had enlisted to go to Viet Nam.

ALL of this is documented on official US Military documents; my attorney and I both have copy.

It is truth-my truth and the truth of it is in fact-in my border city of Washington DC in that era…up until 1967-LSD was legal. I can promise you-I did not go out to find it-but one day in the city, it found me. I ran away from home. One week after I was retrieved-my 5-year-old brother was struck by a Chrysler New Yorker in front of our home-and witnessed by our other brother and myself.
So, things weren’t too good for me there at that time; I was not guilty of seeking drugs as forever accused.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra

I was a kid! And, this was an era that bordered on a simple fantasy type life and entered a time of more than imagined. Kennedy being shot being played over and over and more than enough for any man to take-not to mention a boy barely twelve years old. And Oswald-his face when Jack Ruby shot him; or – the men and woman and children of Selma and Birmingham (Alabama)- and the scenes from Viet Nam.
Every day our television news showed the photographs of the young men murdered in combat in Viet Nam. Photos from these ‘daily dead’ exactly as they were in these poor lads high school year book. Except they were dead.
It was something about it all that made one want to go fight the enemy and save the flag.
Despite the confusion of seeing the poor people of Selma being beaten by American policeman-and seeing the black and white faces of the same Americans who that day were killed in action in Viet Nam, the urge to serve my country was bigger than life.

I did not do anything wrong.

Every person involved in my legal life as connected to the occurrence in detention barracks D agree that there is absolutely no evidence in proof that I did anything wrong-the Veterans Administration judge signed his written report with the statement “exonerated of any wrongdoing”!!!
I enlisted in a time where others my age ran to Canada to avoid fighting a war.
I did not do anything wrong.

There is nothing more I can say than has already been said in several hundred pages of the things I have written for everyone to see, it is all here. I’ve never lied.

It angered me to learn there are 1000’s of silent wounded veterans who may find the path towards a ‘veterans service officer’ or VSO in the attempt to pursue disability (in a system where there seems no justice) and may encounter the same as I had when the snickers and jokes of sexual nature seemed more important than trying to learn the truth, and felt through internet I could reach someone who could help others avoid this abuse.
Instead of meeting someone who could help…I met another victim, and then more.

It came to a place it was harder to hear the broken than I imagined, and I never imagined the whole of it.

I found help, an attorney from Jacksonville. She attended the VA hearing with the VA judge, and she successfully saw my case agreed on by the judge.
But then, the VA decided that because the attorney of my choice was not approved by the VA it made my case null and void.
We enlist to defend other people’s rights and freedoms…and-I cannot select my own defense?

It was my second attorney….one who had all the correct credentials-and one who carry’s the staff for fighting the system for the rights and support of MST veterans, this man, Matt Hill , believed.
I can’t say the word “won”, but the fact that I’ve been exonerated and-believed is reward where none other was ever offered.

So, I’ve said thank you and good bye before. I have to say that many times I have wept over the course of this blog; the responses.
I confess that time it is for sure.
I think my need for the internet is over as well, as-it was for writing this blog that I first got such….and-having the ‘eye in the sky’ removed from my yard will allow me to really say for sure “this is my story, and thank you for allowing me to share…and thank God my words helped, I am very thankful
Peace
Micah 6:8 (a verse out of that bible I bought)

and please:
seek help!
and…
TRUST ME….there is help!!!

7 Responses to “”

  1. Myst Says:

    Dear Jay,
    We will miss your voice here, but certainly understand the need for quiet, hopefully only for a while. You have been strong and brave in the face of decades of injustice. Thank you for being a beacon of truth. I have faith that in time we will get the system changed. At least the word is spreading and some roaches are getting stomped on – not nearly enough mind you, but some.
    I hope you are able ti find some measure of peace. The one thing that helps me is cannabis. Recommended to me by my ww2 veteran uncle for my PTSD. Also by 4 out of 5 VA docs, 3 of 3 Vet Center docs and 2 of 2 civilian shrinks. Helps with the physical and mental pain as well as insomnia. Just a suggestion friend, depending on where you live of course. I bid thee well wishes and safe paths. We’ll leave a light shining for you as you have shone it for others. Please leave this blog as a testiment to the truth of male rape for the unfortuante others that thought, like you, that they are the only one and alone. Neither are true.
    Hugs and warm thoughts to you Jay.
    Over and out,
    Myst

    • jayherron Says:

      Myst, you are faithful to my writings and I thank you so much; and your advice with cannabis being the truth-and indeed-I believe in legal marijuana 100%…and-use marijuana daily and often throught the days. My situation is with my health, so-marijuana is helping me more than known….and-my belief is the plant is a Sprititual plant filled with healing powers as it relationship to the Fig is paramount!

      I am suffering from cervical spondelosis and the pain is unbearable at times. This my most specific reason for turning off the ‘net’ as my time is going to be better spent away from the long days of internet daze!!

      I am ALWAYS carrying my mates in my heart and soul….ALL of the silent wounded!!

      Peace Myst …and, my laptop will go to the local wifi spot from time to time, so-I will recieve my mail

      On Sun, Apr 6, 2014 at 12:55 PM, a males life after rape wrote:

      >

  2. Gary Says:

    Myst, I have long missed your postings. that is to say, I never truly got the opportunity to find out, about your post, until today. I am a survivor of MST and PTSD related to the MST.

    I have been, up until late last year, suffering in silence for over 30 years. I have came out and attempted to utilize the VA and ended up finally finding help in recovery, via an outside source Therapist.

    I have a blog, located on blogger at: http://attentiontoptsdandmst.blogspot.com/

    It chronicles the days and emotions of my journey to recovery, and sufferance through to this point. IT also addresses in small portions, progress of our Government to assist PTSD and MST victims. (As scant as it may and might have been.).

    I was hoping to link up with other survivors and victims, whom are still suffering in silence.. To reach out to them and possibly help them find a path to recovery and to becoming not only a victim, but more importantly, a survivor..

    Most people lump it all together. However, I know as you do, just because you are living physically as a victim; there is a difference in becoming a survivor of an Sexual Assault.

    If you are interested in the reading of my posts, please by all means, venture out and visit, http://attentiontoptsdandmst.blogspot.com/.. I would be honored to have your input, and possibly your guidance.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this; even if you pass it off..
    Bless
    G.Brents
    aka: repoprimo.

    • Myst Says:

      Greetings Gary! I just came across your reply and have added your blog to my blogroll. I am very glad to make your acquaintance, although not glad of the reason’s why. I’ll post a comment on your blog so that you’ll know I found this.
      warmly,
      Myst

      • repoprimo Says:

        Thank you Myst. I appreciate your time and response to my blog and my post. Like yourself, I truly wish it was out of a more pleasant reason. In either case, It is a great pleasure to meet you.

        After suffering through over 30 years in silence, I had to finally give in and seek out assistance in dealing with the aftermath of my attack, outside the VA. I found ( and thankfully,) a wonderful person to work with, whom has been patiently working with me on building a productive life. Last week, I started a claim with the VA, via an attorney, and slowly working towards moving from being a victim to becoming a survivor.

        I am trying to get back to the writing of more posts, but the emotions are so raw, I just freeze up and go into heavy anxiety attacks and flashbacks. I long for the peace, as to allow me to start writing again.

        Your posts and strength, along with your encouragement, has helped me forward; when the road was difficult for me. I want to thank you for reaching out to me, to acknowledge the writing I have been able to get out there.

        Hope this finds you and your family well. Take care and be safe.

        Gary aka repoprimo
        .

  3. lotenna Says:

    http://lotenna.wordpress.com/2014/05/28/a-letter-to-rape-victims/

  4. Myst Says:

    Hugs to you wherever you are Jay! If you get a chance, check out my blog, I did an important event last night I think you’d be proud of me for getting out and going to!
    Hugs,
    Myst

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