Archive for the ‘living through my sons’ Category

living life through my sons…

October 29, 2006

I was’nt exactly what you’d call father material back then. I was’nt even an adult acting person myself-and Lynne was just a kid who after we married I had to write her notes to her teachers to get her excused from school to see her doctor or such. You can sum it up that niether of us had any business being a parent-but there we were. If you read these things through from the beginning you will learn that my wedding was by invitation of Mr.Uhl’s old Western-Auto shotgun…but again,the rest of that story is hidden in these stories.

I ended up being a single dad. That was not expected and was ruining my life in one way but in truth transformed all of our lives for the better as I see it now. People always remark on how good a job I did raising my sons-and I always respond with “we raised each other”…and that is more the way it was.

During my drug nights…the good daddy sucking up money he did not have…packing his nostrils with junk and feeding his kids with hotdogs and spanish rice that comes in those little 40 cent packs….they cooked it while I kept myself high. Although there were other serious problems with my lifestyle…drinking being another rail to lean on,the coke was the demon that was really something to behold. It only lasted a year-perhaps a little more like a month or so longer. But in that year I managed to go through nearly 30k dollars in wasted money-money I did not have one dime of but somehow managed to get it with out sticking a gun in someones face. Stolen anyway…no matter how you got it-stolen from my sons.

They stuck by me-Gods grace for certain and the urges of those angels I know exist. And through my lamentations night after night pleading with them to NOT do drugs like me and do all they can to get through school-and to join the Navy and make a future and not a failure like I was. And they did. And through thier high school I became sober from hard drugs although did’nt know what a drunk I was….but they went through high school with me following them. I encouraged them to get into band and relived what I would have loved to have done if I had the chance differently in my days of high school. I became a ‘band parent’ and got involved in the booster things parents did. It was brave for my sons-I was so fucked up all the time and did’nt see how badly it was….thier friends parents all had nice cars and a pick up truck for the fathers and the Volvo for the moms and we always had a car that sounded like the engine was clunking and going to blow and tires that always were a risk. But those boys persisted right through and we never ended a day with out saying we loved each other.

My oldest son joined the Navy in high school and the day after he graduated he entered boot camp-and fifteen years later I had the honor of pinning my son ‘Chief’ in the United States Navy. His brother graduates this coming week from law enforcement acadamy and has been working with the sheriffs department for several years…so the angels did deter them from the way of life I was dragging them through. Of course-I am very proud and gracious that my boys stuck with me and saw me through so many times of trying to walk on my knees.