People don’t realize what it is to try to pocket up enough money to buy something of value for that money…the rich do not understand-what it is to be like any poor person and put together money to have something nice-not to be rich…no,but to have something nice…and as if we have all the money to do all the things we’d like…well,we get ripped off anyway-by the rich…
I did’nt realize how important the story about Bennies’ Buick was going to be to me until after I wrote it and truely I had no idea that the problems that took place yesterday after I purchased the Cadillac.
Almost any time I get involved with out another person for support I end up getting myself into situations that end up costly because I become too nervous and stressed to see things properly. I did that yesterday-went out and bought an automobile…at this point in life the most expensive ammount I’ve ever given for a car-a tad over 3 thousand dollars. The car looked beautiful from how I saw it….it started and I put it in ‘drive’ and the transmission kicked in and I put it in ‘reverse’ and the transmission kicked in again…the stereo worked,so I bought it. No-I did’nt miss something. I bought it with out a road test to see how it drove. To scared to ask and yet I know it is not out of line to make such a request. So I bought the car. Another thing-my friend Pete is always saying to me “read everything Jay…read everything!” which I definantly fail to do. So yesterday was no different-I failed to read the title of the car and did not see the ‘lien’ section. The car was not the sellers to sell , and now it is in my driveway.
I called the fellow I bought it from and told him the problem as the tag agent related it to me and all the guy could do was cuss and rant about trying to help somebody out and it flies back into his face. Hmmm,he ripped me off and yet I am in the wrong , that’s the way it usually goes. I sat in the car last night and because of the expensive stereo system Cadillac puts in thier fancier models-I sat and listened to Handels Messiah and looked at the dash lights and drank me some beers and cried. I could’nt believe it that it happened again and I wept.
Some friend asked how many cars I looked at before I made my choice-none , just that one….no , no road test….yes-if you say so indeed I am crazy. But you have to be me to understand because I become un-attached in places where groups of people are and the car was purchased at a shop with people all over the place and it happens every time in my ears….a muddled sound that makes it seem my ears are filled with fluid and muffle the voices….most of the time the voices are in my mind yet amplified by other sounds. The day before I went that way-made it easy and saw a car and thought it was right and within ten minutes I waged a deal and went home.
I’m not real sure why I thought about old Bennie after that-I must have had an omen that silently took place and now I have a car and title and a guy that has not returned my calls about a solution and last night sitting there realizeing the only thing I can ever do is sit in it and play the stereo. Its the way it goes for me. A few years ago I bought the most dilapidated house there was in a town near me convinced I would be able to rebuild it and have a solid warm place to live. I did an excellent job-although it took me two years-nearly all of those alone,my sons put a new tin roof on it and a church hung the sheet rock…after six months of waiting for them to do it. Everything brand new-electric wires and cieling fans and the plumbing -all brand new, but it was eating me up and the money I had was long gone and it began to drag me into debt and to loose myself from that I had the house put up on the market to get it off my back financially. A woman bid on it-way way under the appraised ammount and just because of one small thing I accepted the bid with out arguement and the house was sold and the bank repayed but me still paying two years later to try to rid myself of the credit card debt. I borrowed again-yesterday….bought myself something nice ( the expensive stereo ) and am paying off the high interst credit cards and now paying the bank….and as I’m sitting here writing there is a cold breeze-its about 40 degrees out side , and I’m wrapped in a blanket and thinking about the ironic messes I keep getting myself into. I busted my back and my bank account to rebuild a derelect house and then sell it and the new owner is there with all the new insulation wrapped around them holding in the heat….and like Bennie I guess I’ll go out and put my Handel tape back in the slot in my expensive stereo and crank up the motor and get the heat flowing. I understand that Cadillac’s sense the temp out side and automatically self adjust , guess I’ll go see.
a males life after rape 