ice on pond

ice on pond
Originally uploaded by jayfherron

I’ve never intended my writings to direct any lessons in the writings in what is known as the bible…which I would like to say many things about the bible and preachers and religous folks. Mostly I want to share the indignity of having a person assume that if a man attacks another man sexually that it has something to do with sexual preference….such as the remark made to me “gee…you’d never think homosexuals need a reason to rape each other”-and this from a person who is supposed to be standing up for me in defense (defense for something I had no control over)…the other speculation from this mentor was that my attackers were black men-how crude and ignorant this was.
I make references to my relationship with God…my relationship with God is real-the realist thing I’ve ever had….and I realize how private and personal it really is. It is something truely too close to impossible to describe-obviously-to any others satisfaction.
My references are sincere-I believe them as I say they are….and they go beyond the bible-or any preacher or any religious group.
You can take the bible and go directions with it that make it not so ‘good’….Adolf Hitler thought himself a man of God and thought it right to eradicate millions because of his belief. Who’s to figure why this America celebrates Columbus? In the name of God he enslaved and murdered civilizations of peoples-at least-his discoveries of rumors of gold brought the slayers of the Aztecs.
I’ve read the bible-re read it and read it some more. In Revelations 18:12 to 14 it allows that men and souls are as much as a cash product-the reference for men is the word ‘slave’. Through out the bible book is over 86 references to the use of the word ‘servant’ in the way of ‘slave’….and not including the words to be ‘servent’ to God.
I once fell into the church thing…right after the arrest of a woman who murdered another human man. Over being told that world was rid of two pieces of scum-the victim in the murder was a bouncer at a strip club in Baltimore,the killer a stripper…. I was shown in the bible how Jesus as God was taken to a cross and slain….nails in his body to make the suffering of death slow and miserable. I understand the crowds of people tossed stones and spit and jeered at the Jesus as he carried the weight of his cross. He is said to have mutttered…’Forgive them Father,they dont know what they are doing’ -or some such.
One day the very preacher that showed me that returned from San Antonio Texas from a ‘missions trip’. He sat with me over coffee and said that our community in Levy County has nothing of a ‘mexican problem’ like San Antonio does. I asked him what that meant-and the preacher replied the place was over run with ‘mexicans’…I use the small case letter because thats the caliber this man gave the people from Mexico.
I said “Preacher….San Antonio WAS Mexico….” and the fool said “That was a long time ago”.
I started wondering about this preacher…and his grasp on the bible-so I started reading it and reading it….I read a lot. I am instructed to keep my servents well,those being my slaves….by the instruction of the bible?
I learned the dove was not the first choice to leave the ark Noah built-it was a Raven…yet most every one just thinks about the dove.
Indeed-the things I write about may not all be in the frame of male on male sexual assault-it is about a life and I am being as honest and open in these ending times of my life to express and bring aware these things are not openly talked about still…and it’s now 2008.
To do this-the only way I know how-is to tell about myself and my feelings….and yes,what I knnow about my ‘personal’ relationship with God. A love and forgiveness I am jealous of and goes above that of my own sons and family.
So what if you don’t care how my relationship with God is or is not….because it is my love for God that keeps me-it don’t matter if you like it or agree with it or believe it or what…..because it is given to me by God and there aint a dang dong one of you that can change that!
There is a path I’m on…a long narrow path. Sometimes its so narrow I don’t even know if I can keep my footing. But one thing for sure…no matter how much doubt and and debate you can put into it…you can’t get me off that path because I know where it’s going!

Now the whole point about why I write this blog is because there are numbers of young men and woman who are serving our country and are being wounded in many ways-and also being wounded in a way no one takes account for by sexual assault.
I never wanted a computer-providence put one here.
I never thought in a million dreams I’d write…and as much as I have-and earned the readers I’ve found have read my story.
I can’t change to make you like it…if you don’t like it-quit reading it. I do want to change some things for Veterans,it is up to God to check the hearts-but we should realize much more is in them.
The church I went to teaches the families to have as many children as they can-sadly,my son is stuck in this clique of people who block thier ears to the many homeless children I know exists in the USA,and worse yet-look at the children living in the subways in parts of Europe. (see the film ‘Underground Children of the Ukraine’)
I got ‘booted out’ of that church myself because the other men got angry that I was not going to vote for ‘Bush’…I’ve only voted once (for Jimmy Carter) and learnt my lesson then-why vote when you have a God for a King and a Father?
What are you going to do?
It does not matter if you believe me….it is only God who needs my full attention and I’m convinced God is just fine with the love I have.
I had a preacher from that church call me a “murderer of friendships ” when I felt the full impact of being shunned for not supporting a president-I pointed out Matthew 2-6 said it all for me,none cared to look….and after I left them to relish the man they said was going to stamp out abortion (BUSH???)…and the Christians called me a murderer of friendships.??
Go figger….it’s 2008 and there’s one man in control of things-judgements- that think men who rape men should be exempt because why would homosexuals need to rape?? It’s 2008 and theres a preacher-a leader-who thinks the ‘mexican problem’ is worse in Texas….it’s 2008 and there are countless people who live in fear that are being led by preachers like this….?

Mark Foley…judgements?Larry Craig…judgements?Ted Haggerty…judgements?

My judges?

4 Responses to “ice on pond”

  1. Carol Says:

    Jay – In an effort to relieve you of your guilt for taking Rose out of society, I pointed out that her next victim could have been your son. You put the quote out there that all have sinned but have redeemable qualities. I only questioned if your belief in that quote extended to those that violated you. No debate here.

  2. jayherron Says:

    Carol…redemption is not mine to give in the sense you are asking. Me personally-I wish I could destroy every one of the men involved-and the trails afterward-no doubt,because I am just me,a man.
    The way redemption is offered through the bible-through the Christ….indeed,those men and all men and woman are offered the same. Charles Manson…he indeed can come to that redemption-me personally?? I would not offer him squat.
    But I’m not God and these things are not mine to give…I hate the men that I was exposed to in barracks D and hated them for all of these years,so that is not a redemptive quality.
    It’s not my choice Carol-but yes,those men are also included…you should’ve already known the answer to that.

    I once worked a temporary job raking leaves at the U of F campus. There was a kid that had a T-shirt on that said WWJD. The kid was’nt real bright-neither was any of us who worked a rake during that season…but I asked him what it meant. He did’nt know. But to be honest with you-I don’t know either. I just know God exists-is real…and is not a thing like santa clause. I DO NOT know what Jesus would do!
    But-the way it reads in the bible-He offered forgivness to any who’d take it,so what do I know?
    About Rose…
    If you read every thing I’ve written then you’d have an inkling of what it all was like-ALL!!
    In the end I tried my hardest to avoid the woman-she tried her hardest to find me and continue walking with me.
    She could’ve stayed forever free…and for sure-her botfriend and her got quite wierd in the end-she even threatened to shoot me.
    The whole thing is like being in a boxing ring-that period of time with my then wife and the stroke and this woman…like being a poor fighter in the ring with a pro…you just kept getting knocked down every time you stood up.
    The person Rose had stayed free for 20 years,and raised a son…who I met once during this time,a very nice kid. She was nice-very nice to me…actually helping me to heal,or at least protecting me while I tried to resume walking-I was somewhat crippled from the stroke.
    Her boy friend was very unfriendly and that was really my concern about being with her on walks…
    Like Misty-Rose was not telling the truth about herself-it was obvious-but I had no interest in her such in romance so it really mattered very little as I only saw her thirty or forty minutes each morning and that was it.
    There was nothing about this woman that said she could’ve done this to another human being…
    You see-you are reading this encounter I had with this woman with out thinking of over several months-from about March to December ’98 of me coming to know this person ( she also met my son on several occasions-which is the ironey,he’s a deputy now) who was kind to me….and then one day she tells me this stupid crazy story!! which I told her I did not want to hear-it just seemed it was going to be bad.

    Sure Carol…what do you think? If she escaped and murdered my son I’d want to kill her….no doubt about it.

    I really don’t think she was that kind of person-cunning? Yes…to escape from the same prison four times?? Thats cunning…
    I dont exactly think she was that ruthless to plot out a full length murder and go through with it. Yup-she sure did kill this man…and she sure should take the time and serve it,be punishished!! She was cunning enough to stay free for twenty years-but stupidity got her in the end,or-perhaps pride….and for SURE providence.
    Sum it up-I come to know somebody and they befriend me…I DO NOT make friends easily-she was kind to me me frequently and generously and it stunned me to learn the real truth.It hurt to learn it was was real…it hurt to learn it was going to continue and I felt VERY betrayed and horror was there too-yes,a murderer?? For a while you have this ‘friend’ and bingo-she turns out to be a murderer?? it was very alarming…
    You see…one thing is,you don’t know me-and you have no idea how my emotions and my mental disabilities mingle and fuck me up and what happens to me when I trust people….I trusted her. I also say that the same redemption is hers to have as much as any one else can have it. Not my plan…I did not write it,as I said…its just the way its written.
    For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son….the world, Carol,the world-Charlie Manson is still in the world and he still has a chance according to the way its written in the bible.
    And there aint no santa clause in the bible!!

    So-yes,if she escaped and murdered my son-bammo,my mind would not rest until I had her entrails in my teeth…
    And…yes-that redemption is just as much my attackers as it is any one elses.
    I have had experiences all through out my life that give me evidence there is a God…thank goodness it is’nt me!

  3. Carol Says:

    The truth at last! You are human Jay – given to the same thoughts of revenge or any other emotion as all of us. WWJD? You don’t know? Not many people do know, though they claim they do. That we don’t know is obvious in our failure to understand why bad things happen to good people. The Lord works in mysterious ways is the usual answer when this is questioned. Not a whole lot of thought goes into why good things happen to bad people. Charlie Manson, Jeffrey Dahlmer, and O.J. Simpson may be thought to have redeemable qualities, but I sure as hell am not going to pray for them or their souls – because God also recognizes and frowns upon hypocrites. And for pete’s sake, quit picking on Santa Claus.

  4. jayherron Says:

    hey…Pete’s my friend…don’t talk about him in the same sentence as santa clause-it’s blaspheme!!
    hehe he he-ho ho ho

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