nightmares of prison

blue head-jay herron 2007

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

Often I experience nightmares-I dream that am locked in a prison. The prisons in my nightmares are unlike what our image of a prison is…the gates and fences-yes,those are typical-the towers? Yes,those too-I know in these dreams that this is a prison. It is the community of it.
I have no idea how to explain this.
They are very intense and almost medevial,in some ways. It is as if there are no one leadership in charge-except in the group of the convicts.
I’ve never been hurt in these dreams. Just very afraid and wanting out.
I have never been in prison-the detention barracks D was the closest to being kept I have ever known.
When my sons were boys and I sensed they were needing some educational convinceing in regards to what happens when you screw up and it can’t be undone,I used to take them out to Raiford. We’d drive through and look at the dozen prisons there. It’s about a six mile drive through Raiford. It is a very interesting drive. It also interests me on the influence it had on my sons. Onenow works in corrections. My other son went in the military the day after high school graduation-he’s been there since 1990.

It is certain sounds sometimes which kick off a memory of sorts. I can’t say as much as it being sights-but sounds and scents somehow trigger my PTSD.
Yesterday I was eating in a small restaurant here. The place is divided into two sections-both of them very small. The place is busy-I eat there many times.
Yesterday I had to sit in the small section (two booths,two two tables for two and two tables for four). I’ve sat there often too.
The small side is the busiest side-there is more traffic because of the cashier and entrance.
It was really quite loud yesterday and very busy. This small side always reminds me of the galley on a ship because it is so compact.
I don’t know what was going on-but one of the waitress staff was over board talking to this group in one of the booths. Like I said-it was loud,so she was loud-and you could’nt being drawn in to her voice.
I looked over and there was a man sitting with the group.
It was something about the way he was sitting. My mind went into this muddle…I remember ordering and while doing it thinking this was not what I wanted-I had something else I wanted. But I ordered it anyway. I was feeling myself enter a zone.
It was just some guy. But there was a spark about his posture and body.

Last night I dreamt about a prison. It was like a dream I’ve had before-I’m entering this place with my hands full of my things and taking in what is brand new to me. I have never been in prison.
Yet…these dreams are so vivid.
In the morning time-I wake up and whatever the dream-the nightmares of prisons,or just some confusing mystery,it does’nt matter. I wake up thinking about barracks D. It’s almost as if I’m doing an inventory each morning. It begins with barracks D.
When ever I have these nightmares of the prisons it is worse waking up. Almost exhausting from the battle of going back and forth from side to side trying to shake the dream…and each time you slumber it comes right back.

I think it was mostly from the noise in the cafe yesterday-but the sound and looking over at the group started the process.
The man the conversation circled around had this giant of a pit bull in the back of his pick up truck. The pick up truck sat high off the ground-I just happen to notice the dog and was able to avoid the truck somewhat-although it was pulled against the entrance of the place.

It was the look on his face and the way he sat that reminded me of somebody from back in barracks D. He was proud as could be about that dog-the dog was huge,and the waitress was pouring it on about how great looking the dog was.
The man said something about it could reach his gate in less than six seconds…he seemed the kind that would be proud if it yanked a persons leg off.

I could’nt even figure out why I got the breakfast I did.
I ate it and got into a daze and came home home and tried to sleep-and I kept having this stupid dream.
Thats probrebly why I’m not making any sense-I worked too hard trying to survive in my nightmare….and I’m tired.

2 Responses to “nightmares of prison”

  1. Jessieh Says:

    I am so glad you are speaking out.
    I noticed your comment on my blog and appreciated it.
    I too, am a survivor of child sexual abuse, rape.
    May I add you to my links list on my blog?

    Take care.

  2. jayherron Says:

    Yes,Jessieh…you are welcome to ad me to your links-and thank you for YOUR strength!

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