things that happen-and you wonder why

shands hospital

Originally uploaded by jayfherron

Somewhere in life there began a phrase that said something like…”things that make you go hmmm”!

I don’t know where that came from-I don’t even know how I am going to write tonight. I am tired-I am stressed-and I usually do not write at night,mornings are when my thoughts are fresh. But-for a while,my mornings are taking a different direction.

In the photograph I had no idea back in the 1980’s that when I drove the tractor trailer that delivered the steel beams that actually shown in this would mean much to me. Many years later-while visiting the VA Hospital across the highway,I took this photograph. I had no idea that I’d be using it like I am tonight.

I never realized-or more less thought about it,that these beams form an atrium at the children’s section of Shands Hospital,the teaching hospital at the University of Florida. I never even knew these beams and glass connect the floors in a rather unique way-and never knew that you could see the atrium from up on the third floor. I never knew any of this would mean anything much to me-other than I will probably die with out too many of my family knowing I helped build this section of the hospital. I never knew that one day I be spending many-many days looking out these windows.

My children,my son and his wife,delivered a four pound little boy this week. He was almost six weeks before his time. He looks like a small roast with bread-sticks for arms and legs. His feet are about the size of my thumb. His hands a bit smaller than the diameter of a quarter. He was born with complications-and not even one day on the earth,he is needing surgery-and once that was completed,he was moved to Shands-being born in a second hospital. He is in this Plexiglas box-two tubes coming from his face,one from his mouth and another from his nose. Tiny little EKG patches with tiny wires come off of his body. He is as hooked up as many old veteran at the VA across the highway.

My son brought his wife home-she too is recuperating from her surgery,and the baby boy is alone but surrounded by ten or maybe more other little boys and girls like him and a truly sweet nursing staff. I can’t stand it that he is alone-so I have taken the days to sit with him.

My first day they brought in a little one-even smaller than him. I wear sunglasses all the time-night or day…so they might of thought I was napping,or just didn’t know I could hear them saying…”the mother is in detox”. The baby was gone this morning-and I know he was not moved on to the advanced level of ICU for the stronger babies.

Last night I received a call from my sons wife. Our little boy is not only entering this world with internal complications,he also has Down Syndrome.

This morning I spent my third day sitting with this little guy. The only way to touch him is to put your hands through these two port-holes. I figure that he needs touch. His little fingers close on my index finger-I am hopeful he can feel the love.

It is interesting to me. I am a 58 year old depressed human male. I suffer anxiety-and am tormented when ever I am in a large building. I recently my own self went through a detox…mine from a prescribed medicine,but the thought runs through my mind as my eyes take in the surroundings. These teeny tiny babies-fresh from the womb,yet too early and too fragile and so small-and pure. And then there is this world-and the way life is,and how it goes…how a mother of one of these could abuse drugs while trying to grow a newborn baby inside of her? How could I have done the same-or just about the same? I was once a baby-and that keeps tracking in my mind as why? Why does this happen? Why can God not change it around-take the ones of us who did so wrong to our bodies…and let these little things have a chance,a better chance!

And dang if it didn’t take just our little one to bring me into this place. The nursing staff are genuine and welcoming…they gave me a chair,and I have sat there for eight hours each day looking and praying and meditating on this scene around me. Oh woe is me that I woe is me!

Maybe this little guy and I are going to heal together. He damned sure got me started in something-I am not sure yet where it is going to go. It’s funny how God uses things…it’s funny,yet so sad-but yes,God is using this little creature in my heart.

Peace